Monday, May 17, 2010

What A Lame Excuse!

"Reasons are not reasons. They are excuses."

Whoever have said those lines were probably fed up of hearing lame excuses. But for me, it was more like : a reason is an explanation while an excuse makes it sound like it was okay.

I have a co-worker who is such a terrible liar, pretentious and scheming, who uses her very worn-out reason, no, her worn-out excuse everytime she takes a day off from work. It all started last year when she was diagnosed with a condition in her throat that needs urgent medical attention. She keeps seeing her doctor then for check-ups, laboratory etc. After 6 months or so, she's cured.

To tell you frankly, it's not in my attitude to pry at the lives of other people or judge their actions because I too have my own lapses. But it really annoys me everytime she uses that Doctor's Check-up with my throat in her leave form. I know she has to see her doctor every once in a while to make sure her throat condition doesn't recur. But seeing your doctor like every goddamn week? I hope she's not fucking insane. Be creative with your excuses girl, duh!

What makes me feel bad even more is that her boss doesn't have a single inkling about it. I'm really tempted to tell her boss the real reason behind her frequent absences but I guess it's none of my business so I'll keep my DAMN. MOUTH. SHUT.

Anyway, her not-so-cunning move leads me to ponder on what do most people write in their leave forms. My nosy personality got the better of me so I queried the database. You'll never know how far some people would go just to come up with a decent-sounding, funny, lame, dumbfounding excuse. Hmmmmm...... I could actually use one of these someday.

The following returned a significant number of results so I considered them to be topnotchers.

LBM (or diarrhea)
 > Oooppss! Eating right now? Anyway, I wonder if this stands for Loose Bowel Movement or Looking for Better Management? The latter is a common sickness when you're aging with the company and boredom kicks in.

Important Family / Personal Matters
 > It means you have a job interview (Personal) or currently contemplating a job offer which offers higher pay and tempting benefits (Family). Lie better.

Family Reunion
 > You're attending what?! Excuse me, but I guess family gatherings are usually held on weekends when everyone is off from work. So what's up with family reunion on a weekday? Busted!!!

Family Problem
 > When you're too dumb to think of an excuse. Use this!

Take Mother/Father/Daughter/Son/Wife to the Doctor
 > Uhmmm... I guess Filipinos are just family-oriented. Aryt?

While these refer to unknown or still-to-be-known illnesses :

Asthma Attack
 > I'm serious! Someone really wrote this. I'm glad it wasn't heart attack or he will never had the chance to submit his leave form.

Respiratory Tract Infection (RTI???)
 > Ah, did you mean Urinary? Or I'm the one stupid?

The following are uncategorized, weird, mind-boggling excuses :

Went to children school
 > What are grown-ups doing in children school? Ahhh... She went to her child/children's school.

Pull-out tooth
Read : Went to the dentist for tooth extraction. I guess that sounds better.!

Went to the Doctor, wife is sick.
 > I'm confused. Who is sick? You or wife?

Holiday with fiance
 > Wow! Brewing romance... ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS!
Okay, okay. I'm envious.

Waited for my sister
 > Oh, where were you dear sistah?!

Car won't start
 > Oh! Don't you have feet?

There's a preparation to be done
 > Mind telling us what?

Attend wedding
 > Oopps! I think this is me. I use this excuse most of the time hahaha! Guilty!!!

Heavy rain
 > And since when did heavy rain became an excuse? Read the next item.

Drenched in the rain
 > Oh I see... Now I understand. Let me introduce you to umbrella.

Attend an important business affair
 > Interesting! An engage employee and a business magnate at the same time. I hope this is not a case of conflicting interest.

Having a hard time breathing
 > Oh my god! Call ambulance now! Fast!!!

Fell down the stairs
 > Ouch! *shouts* Who put these toys in the stairs?!

My husband didn't go home
 > I guess she's now coordinating with the local police for a joint 24-hour manhunt operation.

Mauled by a drug-addict neighbor
 > Poor thing...

> Dear Employee,
 I'm tired of hearing your tiresome excuses. If you're tired with your job, you might as well rest your tired ass and never come back.

Your Tired Boss

So, would you like to add your own version on the list?


i'm no miss said...

I've used went to dentist for all kinds of teeth work. Cleaning, braces, retainer, tooth extraction of a molar, tooth extraction of a non-molar. So, if you were my boss you'd think I had halitosis and all kinds of problems related to teeth!Haha Gross! But he didn't figure that out or he did but was just tolerant hehe

janjan said...

haha! i'll never use any dentist-related excuse coz i'm so afraid of them.

Ratz said...

Ha ha.. i have used excuses like this many a times... but most of the time s i was ill and at other times i was not..... LOL

Anonymous said...

I think i've heard it all from my co workers but not me. I only use dysmenorrhea to which they don't disagree for i have fainted once while at work. Yes, i am pain intolerant. A betadine applied on open wound? You better hold me tight or i would end up with a broken skull. No, i am NOT KIDDING!

Rachel W. said...

Oh girl, I hear you. I used to have a job where my co-workers gave every excuse in the book to take a day off or not do their share of the work. It’s soooo frustrating!
And who gets stuck with the extra work when the lazy peeps take off?!? The good workers of course. It's messed up I tell ya.

Jennifer said...

I have an award for you on my blog. Its a comment award for being my newest follower!

Neil said...

Some of them are awesome, I think I will utilise them one day. Possibly the 'Drenched in the Rain' one, that is particularly good.

Gnetch said...

Haha! I found the "car won't start" as the lamest excuse. Haven't they heard of public transportation? LOL

I found the others reasonable. Well, it actually depends on who gives me those excuses. Tee hee...

RTI is actually a viral infection that affects the nose, throat, and airways, and usually involves cold, cough, and flu that lasts for days. :)

janjan said...

Jennifer - thanks for dropping by.

Neil - haha! at least I gave you a free choices of ideas.

Gnetch - ok, i'm stupid. i didn't know there's such thing as RTI. i never tried asking mr. genius a.k.a. google.

Miss Fit said...

New Follower FMBT! These are hilarious. Too bad I'm my own boss.

janjan said...

miss fit - thanks! checking out your blog now.

Shelley T. said...

I hate that, I am the only person in my department who has to clock in and out due to my job title. It drives me crazy because they can take long lunches!

New follower

joeandbridge said...

Hi! I'm popping in from Follow Me Back Tuesday. I'm your newest follower! Hope you can swing by my blog! Have a great day!

Groschen Goblins

* Jewelry Designer: Harjot * said...

hahahah I heard em all cause Ive used em all :P Stopping by from Follow Back Tuesday to say hi. Following you now :) Cute place you got here :)

The Girl Who Loves to Whine said...

I love the "My husband didn't come home last night." That's going to be my next excuse for calling out. If someone said that to me I'd probably laugh in their face. I'm sorry but that's hilarious.


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