Tuesday, April 20, 2010

How do you react when a friend tells you he/she is getting married?

"Wow! Congratulations!"
"Oh I'm happy for you."
"I'm glad you and (state fiance / fiancee's name) are finally settling down."

How do I write this blog without sounding pathetic?

When two of my best girl friends tied the knot after college I couldn't be happier. Who doesn't love weddings? The sight of someone close to you donning her white wedding dress, walking down the aisle, looking beautiful as ever, on her way to start a meaningful life, to leading a happy family is what every friend wants for her friend. I become exceptionally emotional and excited at the sound of wedding bells even more if it belongs to someone you grow up with, went to school with, who's been with you on girl night-outs on a Saturday night, someone you could share your darkest deep secrets, your shopping and parlor buddy. Imagine the whirl of emotions ramming through your heart. What makes it even more difficult is to face the fact that everything you've shared and went through will never be the same again.

I know it's normal to feel that way, to feel sad. But years ago I'd feel ridiculous about the idea of getting married at a young age. I had a promising career, on my way to becoming my dreams a reality. With career opportunites within reach, enjoying singlehood, constant dates, simply put, having the time of her life would certainly put marriage idea on the far end list. I didn't see myself staying at home, cooking for my husband, waiting up for him until he arrives from work then we'll have dinner together. I didn't see myself conceiving, giving birth and raising my kids.I hated the thought that I could no longer decide on my own, go wherever I want, do whatever pleases me. I hated the word COMPROMISE.

I was also in an "unhealthy" relationship back then, coupled with financial obligation to my family, made me stood my ground that marriage are for those who have nothing else to do with their life. Uh-oh! Married people are gonna hate me for saying that. But that was a long time ago when my brain used to think like a twisted rod. I mean there was so much going on with my life that I could not stop for a moment and think about finding the right one and settle down.

Before I knew it, everyone's walking down the aisle like it was some kind of fad I know nothing of. Everybody were so into it until it finally hit me that one by one, one after another, those people I knew and grow up with, my classmates, playmates, colleagues had already pledged "I DOs".

Two years ago my bestfriend texted me she's getting married and all I did was cry. That was the first time I cried over a wedding news. I felt so alone. It seemed everyone is leaving me behind. As if I was doomed to remain single and alone forever. I dreaded that thought. I dreaded that possiblity. I dreaded that looming fact like death itself.

That's when I knew I was being hypocrite all along. That I took high regard of myself. That I was pretentious. That I was conceited and egoistic. It had to take all of my relationships to falter and my friends to get marry before I'd realize that.

As if the realization that struck me wasn't fair enough, the conjuring universe is up for yet another trick. Another close friend of mine texted this morning that she's getting hitch next year. I carefully digged for the right word to say and I was like " Really?! Good for you. I'm glad you found the one." But deep inside I'm praying and hoping that one day, I'll find the right one too. For when that time comes, when it's my turn to break the news, that's when I can finally say I'm complete. That's when everything I worked hard for will see its purpose. That's when everything I went through life will find it's meaning. That's when I can say I wasn't born to be alone.


Tasha said...

You know what? I used to think pretty much the same way. Expect for me, my parents divorced when I was 14 and I felt that marriage was all wrong, on various levels. I had so many family issues going on, that I would sit and think 'this isn't life, this isn't happiness, this sucks'. I'm 26 now, I'm engaged and getting married in 2 years. Go figure, me! Of all people, I'm getting freaken married!!! I had always told myself, screw marriage, I'll just live with someone whom I'm head over heels in love with and have babies with them. But when I met my fiance, everything felt so right, everything suddendly made sense. I can't picture my life without him - he's my other half. I know, how cliche? But honestly, I had gone on a sting of mindless, pointless dates before he entered my life.

I don't think you're pathetic, you're normal, you're just like everyone else. To be honest, we're human and no one wants to be alone. It's the worst feeling in the world, being alone. It's one thing to enjoy your own company (which I love and won't give up) but at the end of the day, it's nice to come home to someone, knowing that there is someone waiting for YOU. I don't know, maybe I'm some delusional nut job but I still believe that there is someone out there for EVERYONE and thats it, no questions.

I'm sorry, I'm starting to ramble haha, I do that sometimes, but I hope somewhere in my muddle of words, you see my point.

cheers =)

janjan said...

hey thanks! everything you said was so true. you have no idea how comforting your words are.ΓΌ

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. I was the youngest person at my company for over a year and all the people I hung out with (mostly coworkers) were married people. All I wanted to do was find someone who wasn't hitched to hang out with and talk to.

Then my company hired two girls who were both younger than me last month. One was married, the other was engaged. I'm only 23.

It's really difficult sometimes, feeling like you're left behind. But when I do talk to my married friends, a lot of them spend time wondering what it would be like to put their careers first instead of their marriage.

The grass is always greener on the other side.

I love reading your blog, thanks for commenting on mine. :)


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