Wednesday, September 8, 2010

When the going gets tough...

...hope I'm tough enough to get going.

Here I am again. Another heartbreak, another heartache. It seems I have a magnet for pulling misery to my side. It always find its way to hook up with me no matter how I try to shield myself from its sting.

Another day to get through... Shackles on my feet, please just let me go. I want to go back to my old self - smiling, feisty, alive. I'm putting on a hard face, pretending to be fine. But it's hard to pull off a show like that. My eyes defy me, my laugh sounds empty, my actions speak otherwise.

I dread everything that reminds me of that someone. The workplace, every corner, every sights. It's like all those memories are plastered everywhere. Mocking me. Taunting me.

If this is goodbye, so be it. Thank you for everything we've shared and for everything that I've become because of it. This is a test, I know. I've had enough what else do I need to prove? To others, my life seemed bright and colorful. Yet I don't want the limelight, I don't want the fame, if pain is all I got in exchange.

I know I made a fool out of myself for writing this post. But somehow it lightens me up. I don't care if I sounded stupid coz this is me hurting. Trying to pick up the pieces and start all over again. Start where I left off. The road to moving on may be miles away. I'm on my feet and I'm getting there someday...


MiDniGHt DriVer said...

move forward dude! i will accompanied u! :-)

Ratz said...

Hey there Jan... I am sure that you are going to make it through... you are optimistic and brave... And you are gonna make it... who said you are being stupid by writing this post... it takes guts to show what you are and what you are feeling... and i think you are brave to show urself in ur true colors.. Bravo for that... we are here to listen to you.. dont worry... you will always have someone... all the best xoxoxoxo

Hotcakes said...

im lost for words but i will just say keep on blogging :) it will keep you sane enough:)

sEy said...

Oh Jan, I think I couldn't say enough words to halt the pain you're into but always remember we will walk with you.

P.S. You're not alone! Keep walking!

i'm no miss said...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I prayed this when I was going through some pain too. It helps:)

Gnetch said...

I love Antonia's comment.

Also, girl, one day, you'll find the perfect one for you. Don't lose hope. *hugs*


blog visitors since 05/19/10