Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Letter to myself

I was thinking, if I would write a letter to myself right now, what would I say? Would I be condemnatory about the actions I did in the past? Or would I be considerate enough to exonerate myself from those mistakes? Would I be sensitive to embrace everything I went through? Or would I laugh it off and say "Hey,  at least I've  lived life to the fullest."

If I were to write that letter, it would go something like this :

Dear Self,

I'm happy to see you doing quite well. The blow's been tough these days and it must have been difficult for you to take it in. But now I see that you're going back to your old, normal self - you're smiling again, laughing, and you can go out have fun with friends minus the alcohol. Yah, it was a shame to admit that instead of eating chocolates, you chose to drink it down.  Somehow, the bitterness of wine is easier to swig than the pain you have to endure inside. I guess at some point of the mending process we all have to be idiots. But I'm glad you were able to get past that phase a little shorter than I've expected. I should give you credit for leaving all behind too soon. Maybe your past breakups taught you so well. Those dumb mistakes made you that much smarter. You've handled it pretty well.

I  know there are times you'd feel lonely and sad. You wanted to retract your steps and change your mind. Sometimes it feels easier to be at the wrong track than find yourself at square one once again. When the battle seems exhausting you feel like giving in and WHAT THE HELL anyway? When all these thoughts resurface, just keep in mind that you're better than these. It's alright to be vulnerable and unstable for awhile but putting yourself back on that compromising situation is a no-no. Don't ever try to look back.

Someday you'll just laugh at this. But until then, keep your head up high and go on.



Ratz said...

Voila You cracked the code right Jan... laugh it off, kick that alcohol (please) and enjoy eating chocolates... they are so much better... thanks for sharing this bit... it reminded me of many things that have clouded up in my memory.. all the best... and hugs

Debbie(single;complicated) said...

love your letter!!!! Would you mind if I take this idea at some point?? its a GREAT one!!

Gnetch said...

I love this. I love how you handle times like these. Sometimes, we just have to acknowledge the pain and learn from it. :)

janjan said...

Ratz - thanks dearie... you guys have been so supportive of me. thanks for making me feel not alone. :)

Debbie - hi! sure, i wouldn't mind at all.

Gnetch - exactly. i always look at the lessons learned rather than the mistake.

Rachel W. said...

Great post Jan!
I wanted to let you know I nominated you for an award over at my check it out! :-)

sEy said...

Jan, remember it's pain that makes us stronger. I like the idea of leaving the past behind and don't look back. It's true that someday, we'll just laugh at those silly things that happened to us. So proud of you.


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