Monday, March 15, 2010

What I learned from letting go and moving on

First of all, I can't believe I'm writing this stuff. I have sworn at the beginning of this blog that I will never, ever, at any cost, write about matters of the heart. And here I am spilling the beans to everyone who will read this post.

I had my own share of painful breakups. I had cried in the middle of the night, in between work, until I forced myself to smile because I've had enough of crying. I've been there - the most excruciating time of my life which I thought I would never survive. But I was able to get through.

Letting go and moving on are undeniably two of the most difficult things to do. Each one of us goes through this phase at some point in our lives. How we manage to emerge from this dark, deep pit depends on how we deal with it. I found out that the first step to letting go is allowing yourself to grieve. Mourning over a love lost isn't such a bad idea. When the one you love left you for reasons you cannot make sense of is already terrible, crying your heart out or crying a river (if you can) won't top it all.

Freestyle said : "Coz letting you go is never easy". Yes, but nobody said you do it on your own coz if you do, you'll end up drying your tear ducts. So don't overdo your dramatic moments coz it will border to self-pity. I learned to keep myself busy. I unwind with friends and did all things I wanted to do. Though I'm not the type who easily divulge my heartaches, my friends' company would make me feel I'm not alone. And when I feel it's time to talk, I talk about it.

I also learned that ACCEPTANCE is the most important factor. If you learn to accept there are certain things that cannot be, it will help you get your life back on track sooner and faster than you think. But then my other stupid ego would tell me I can still salvage the relationship if I don't give up. True, but not at all times. I learned you cannot teach a person to love you the way you wanted to be. Nor you can rekindle a fire after the embers have burnout. Love, like any other requires team effort. It doesn't matter how much you're willing to sacrifice or give to make it work, coz if the other refuses to do his end of the bargain, better walk away with a broken heart than with a wounded ego. Self-worth is the key here my friend. Learn to love yourself.

So what happens now that I've finally accepted the fact we're not meant to be together? Move on. Alright, I know this is easier said than done.

Since I was able to better those devastating heartaches, those sleepless tearful nights, I thought moving on was easy. But I was wrong. I learned moving on is a long road that most people are stuck to it. I, for one, is a living testament to that. I was stuck at the road to moving on because I wouldn't let myself go forward. I was the perfect semblance to Toto's song : "As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you". I let foolishness dominate my already numb broken heart.

I realized I don't need to rely on time to heal my wounds. I learned there are people who can help me out, who are willing to heal my soul, who can give me a brighter day. But I need to put on my trust. I shall learn to build my trust...again.

Then I heard Katy Perry singing and I stumbled through the lines : "How do I get better once I've had the best?" Oh the lyrics smack right to my chest. When we're happy and everything was perfect we thought we had the best. But when our perfect world crumbles, then it's time to heed the warning - it wasn't the best for us. I learned to create a mindset that when things doesn't turn out the way we expected it to be, it means something better than what we had will come our way.

I learned that all our experiences, be it sad or wonderful, will prepare and gear us for the right moment. I learned that the people who injected us pain or euphoria, are there to teach us life's invaluable lessons. And these people will always be part of our life, they will remain special no matter how hard we drive them away. More importantly, I learned there is no quick formula to letting go and moving on. It is a process that we all have to endure by and by. You may cry, get angry, go wild, let alone, pretend you're fine - it's all up to you. One thing is for sure when the pain dies down and our minds clearer, we have to choose. LET GO and MOVE ON? Or stay behind.



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