I did something MEAN.
I wasn't in speaking terms with one of my closest friends for more than a month now. We were completely ignoring each other and I wouldn't shrug even if she'll sit beside me or we'll brush shoulders on the stairs. I don't like to see her around. I can't stand the sight of her! I know I sound much of a hater but that's what I truly feel for her. This is not the first time we acted like total strangers, but this is the longest we ever did.
I can't say who among us is more hurt. I can't speak for her feelings in the same way that she can't understand how disappointed I am to her. I'm disappointed coz I thought she knew me well and she loved me despite all my flaws and imperfections. I thought she accepted me for all the silly things I've done. I know I'm not that good and I'm not perfect. I'm a "work-in progress". So don't expect me to act perfectly under an imperfect situation where my judgment could easily snap! I was going through an uphill battle that time, it was hard to choose right from wrong, and she, of all people knew that! She, of all people should have felt my emotional outburst. And she, of all people should be the first to understand me - NOT that I'm the one to seek understanding from her.
I know I have hurt her for things I've said. Maybe if I'll go back in time I would still say those words coz that's what I'm feeling right at the moment. I wouldn't pretend. Yet, I sincerely apologized for making her feel bad. And I would understand if she can't accept my apology when we had a heart to heart talk. But what I don't get is why does she have to pretend she's OK and we're OK when deep within her she was still hurting and she hadn't completely forgiven me. I would understand. Really.
And then after quite sometime she'll get back at me, accusing me of expelling her? What the heck?! I may not be the best person in the world but I'm the type who would cherish her friends and wouldn't trade them for someone who just came out to ruin my life. If she thinks I can let go of our friendship that easily, then it goes to show that she doesn't knew me that much and I'm quite disappointed.
I removed her in my facebook and blocked her. I know it's puerile of me but I'm just being true to myself - I don't want to do anything with her.