The 9,554,696,748,546,210 REASONS (and counting) why I'm soooooo ANNOYED with my Colleague

Apart from the regular stress I deal at work, I deal with a co-worker who ultimately comes from Satan's den (read: HELL). If you hate someone at your workplace just because they don't follow you on twitter, doesn't like your posts on Facebook OR doesn't give you "life" when you were stuck in level 33 of Candy Crush Saga - consider yourselves lucky!

Sure we don't have to be best friends to co-exist. But if you always put yourself in the subject of discussion and you're an attention-seeking whore, then lock yourself in a room full of mirrors because I'll hand you a glass of drink with poison.

To give you an idea how ANNOYING she is under normal (read again: DAILY) circumstances, read on:

1. The Bubbly Blabber

Who doesn't love a bubbly fellow? We all do, right? But when does being bubbly becomes irritating? It's when (a) she gives her two cents when I'm NOT asking for it. Worst, she's NOT even part of the conversation but throws herself in because she felt that she has a say to EVERYTHING. (b) I'm talking to another colleague then here she comes and asks what we're talking about then shares her own story. Bitch, I've got 2 bucks. Go find someone you can talk to! (c) Somebody asks me a question and she answers. Wait, are you my speaker that you answer everything for me? (d) She repeats what I say. Echoooo. Helooooo...???

2. The Everybody-All-Eyes-On-Me Attitude

Did I mention that she loves attention? Yes? Coz she makes it a point to dress inappropriately in every company event. And when I say inappropriate, I'm talking about plunging necklines here and there, lacy top that makes all the boys ogle at her brassiere, shorty shorts that resembles a boyleg swimwear to me. Not only once did a colleague criticize commented on her distasteful fashion sense but she seemed oblivious.

Now if that's not attention-seeking bitch, what do you call that?

3. Her unladylike antics

I  hate it when people talk loudly on the phone. Dude, have you ever heard about modulation?

 When she's talking to someone outside the company, she always sounds like the big boss. I pity those contractors, customer service agents and staff who had a taste of her whip-lashing tongue. It's pathetic that she had to be tyrannical to get things done. What's more, she wants everything A-S-A-P. So when she calls - drop everything you do and RUUUNNNN.

Another thing - when she sneezes she doesn't cover her mouth. Oh gross!

4. Interruption please...

I really think it's beyond rude when someone deliberately interrupts you in the middle of your sentence. Well, guess what? She does that all the time. I'm not sure if she's aware that it's downright disrespectful?

I guess it happens when you were not born with a spoon of manners in your mouth.

5. Staging a Pregnancy Drama

One time she showed up at the office looking harassed. I mean sleep-deprived. Then she goes on saying she's nauseated, no appetite, food craving and a week delayed period. I get it. She's trying to tell me, oh not only me, but the WHOLE office, particularly everyone she meets at the hallway that she THINKS she's pregnant.

Now if that's how you disclose your active sex life outside of marriage, then go ahead. But stop saying "I'm in denial, I don't wanna get pregnant yet." At 40 you sounded like a high-schooler. Really.

She whines about it every single day. So I told her : see your doctor and have yourself checked. Her reply: I'm still busy. I'll do it in the next two weeks.

She said whaaattt??? 

Then get a pregnancy kit you idiot!

That and the many, many, many things.

I also hate it when she calls while I'm on vacation, whenever she says we have the same shoe style but never seen her wear that even once, when she calls my friends by their pet names that I made up (who the hell gave her the right to do that?), when she refuses to join at meetings because her boss is around and that she's pretending busy (she's not), when she baby talks her boyfriend (gaaaaddd we hear it loud and clear) and this and that!

So tell me, you wouldn't want a co-worker like that or would you?

To All Those Who Keep On Asking When I'm Gonna Tie The Freaking Knot...? READ THIS!!!

That probably is the lengthiest title I've ever come up with. But, what the hell?!

I'm sure you already have an idea what this rant post is all about.

When I went home for my mother's birthday last month, I was overwhelmed to see my cousins, aunts and uncles from my mother's side. I don't see them that often coz I don't go home that much. And whenever I do, I don't spend most of my time with them.

But, "Overwhelmed" turned into "hmmm-i-don't-like-this-type-of-conversation-so-everyone-please-stop-it-before-i-go-haywire-and-kill-you-off".

Coz you know what? They were all asking me - each one of them - the bazillion dollar question : When am I going to get married?

Other similar questions include:
>>>Why are you still single? Is there something wrong with you? - Honestly, I can hear them even in their silence. I've acquired Edward Cullen's mind-hearing ability just so you know!
>>Are you married already?

And the worst question?

>>>Do you have children?

Aryt, lemme get this straight... I know I'm not in my best shape right now but it doesn't mean I've had bore kids with this body. Will you please stop stereotyping?

First, I took it as a joke. Then as a compliment (them showing concern for my well-being - ehem!). Until it became a nuisance, a disgusting version of "how are you?", annoying, extremely downright unbecoming, and I couldn't help but mumble what is wrong with you people?

I get pissed off and insulted when people keep on asking that stupid question again and again and again like getting married is ALL THAT MATTERS.

If being married is the next best thing to internet, no one would have ever invented divorce.

Don't get me wrong. I dreamt of walking down the aisle one day. But if it's not for me, then I'm not gonna cry and lock myself in solitude just because of some people's notion that being single is pathetic! Being married is both a choice and a decision. The same logic applies if I wanted to stay single for now. Being married is not a measure of how you fared in life, in your career, in your journey. But being single can get me to most places, even to the promotion ladder. Being married is not the be all and end all of being a woman. But I believe being single is. Because you do things for your self, you get things done all by your self, you feel happy and contented with your self. And most of all, you can be happy and live your own life with your self.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having someone in your life. But surely there is something WRONG with people who think that a woman like me should join the marriage bandwagon because that is the rightful thing to do.

Oh crap! This is the 21st century...

From which era are you?

And hey! I'm not totally single. I'm with someone. And were totally happy even without the paper.

And So I Realized There's Something GOOD Left In Me

I did something good today...

That kind of thing I don't "normally" do...

I texted my estranged friend...

" I just wanna say sorry for everything. I realized how far apart we've grown because of my stupid pride. Hope we could still be friends after all."


The last time I checked, I've eaten my breakfast and had my coffee. I also had a good sleep. But I don't know why I suddenly missed her.

We've been friends for many years. We took care of each other like sisters do. She has been a good friend to me until that heated discussion and my pride got in the way. We have not been talking for more than a year. All those times I secretly loathe her. And I don't know why.

All the people around us have been trying to help patch our differences. But I won't flinch. I stood my ground. I made a firm resolve that I don't wanna be friends with her anymore.

And that is why I don't know what happened to me this morning. For the rarest time, I swallowed my pride.

She did not reply though and I understand coz I hurt her too much. What's important is that I've set off my grudge on her - finally.

Facebook Ethics 101

I have a love and hate relationship with Facebook.



No. Not only because they constantly change layout, but because it's become a hub of annoying, pretentious, goody-two-shoes people. Huh! Like I don't know you guys!

So what the fuck am I still doing there?

That's the love and hate story I'm talking about. Sometimes I'd really want to deactivate my account. And then I'd shove that thought aside. Sometimes I'd tell myself "no facebook for the next 30 days". Deep inside I was asking "Am I sure?". Coz really after a week I'll end up peeking at my profile.

There are certain things I about facebook...

And I have one million reasons to counter it. Here are some of those :

1. Getting friend requests from people you don't know.
Don't you have something better to do? This is not a contest of having 1000 friends on your friend list so why bother?

2. Posting your photos- close up, lifesize, portrait - at every angle!!!!
Come on! I'm pretty much interested on your background view rather than memorizing your face. I even get constipated looking at Kim Kardashian's photos (OMG, they're everywhere), how much more.... yours???

3. Photos of sensitive type.
Yes, you CAN DO anything you want coz it's your account, right? You can upload as many photos as you'd like (i just wish your browser would hang up). But please... I'm begging, think of your 'friends' who will see these photos. Do you think it's appropriate to post photos of mutilated bodies in a social network? I.DON'T.THINK.SO. I'm browsing facebook because I want some nosy information about my friends. I'm not looking for something that would make my stomach turn. Next time, if you're really a fetish of gross photos - make your own website!

4. The tell-all-status.
What's on your mind? And clearly some people have abused that question. It is alright to share your random thoughts (at least your friends would know what's going up with you, dude!), if you feel like ranting, or if you wanna post something just to let people know you still know how to use facebook. But pleaseeee...(again) do we really have to know what time you woke up? What you had for breakfast? Your itinerary for the day? That the lady in the bus has hair full of lice??? Dude. You should have been a reporter. I mean, for you to be keen on details? You have the potential.

5. The "making-us-envy" status
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know how sweet your boyfriend is, and how lucky he is to have you because you are sexy, pretty, smart (talk about narcissism) and... wait, did you just say pretty and smart? Ah... okay.

6. Filling your status with quotes.
The reason why they call it 'What's on your mind' because you have to SAY what's on your mind. So you mean you're also thinking what Albert Einstein was thinking and all the other famous authors?

7. Proposing on Facebook.
Last night I saw one who proposed. He took a picture of the ring. Posted it on his wall. Tagged his girlfriend and 21 others while saying - "(name of the girl), will you marry me?"

Awwww.... was that sweet? Nope. To me it was disgusting. Why propose on facebook? Unless you want to invite us all on the big day!

8. Using your status to attack your enemies, officemates who can't get their job done, or your boyfriend's other girl.
My god, this has become rampant. People, if you have personal issues, deal with them upfront. Ranting on FB does make you look even more coward.

9. Liking your own status.
I've said this before and I'm saying this again : "Liking your own status in FB is like high-fiving yourself in public." PATHETIC! The reason why you wrote it is because you LIKE it in the first place. So why the hell click LIKE?

10. Facebook is FACEBOOK. Not YouTube, alright?
Please... I can already make a playlist out of your video posts.

Those were few of the reasons why I want to UNFRIEND facebook sometimes.

What about you? Any similar issues?

The "So" fad that is soooooooo annoying

I'm not gonna beat around the bush... Here's the case:

I have this classmate in MBA who constantly, abusively, excessively, overly and extremely uses the word "so". Like every sentence that comes out from his friggin' mouth should / has to start with : "So, ................."

I noticed it at the start of the semester when we had our individual reporting. And then I noticed there are actually two of them who have this chronic, annoying... can I call it behavior? I mean, I can't come up with a better word. "Impediment" would be too harsh.

Really guys. We should trade places. Try sitting on my chair while I stand in front and do your "so" behavior. Let's see if your ears won't bleed.

Come on! It's not like you can't use that word EVER, coz I use it too when (1) I'm trying to emphasize something, (2) what I'm about to say next is very important that you have to hang on to my every word, (3) when it's necessary.

But for you to use it EVERY.FUCKING.SENTENCE.IS.TOO.MUCH.FOR.A.HEADACHE.

Just SO you know, it's NOT a LINKING VERB. Why the heck you use it like this? :

"So I was on my way to school when I passed a bunch of bummers. So I stared at them trying to tell them hey what are you gonna do with your lives? But I know it's not a good idea So I forced my way to school. So when I get to the school building the class is about to start so I entered the room and sat on my chair. It was my turn to do the report so I stood up, gathered my report materials and made my way to the front. So I start to discuss my topic and I can't help say So, So, So at the start of every sentence. Maybe I'm not aware of that so forgive me.

So I didn't know that my classmate janjan is jotting down how many times I uttered the word so. So this girl is really a bitch. So who the hell she think she is? She's not perfect either!

So for every 10 minutes, I use the word so in my sentences 55 times. So??? Does that bother you? If it does, then don't listen to my report. Let's see if you will pass the subject...

So normally, in a masteral class, a single report can last up to 30 minutes. That's maximum already. For one reporter. So imagine if I talk 30 minutes straight. So that's 3 X 55, because on average, I use "so" 55X every 10 minutes, so that's roughly 165X. Wow!!!! So, can you do that? Huh? Huhhhhh????? "

Now guys, I'm sure you can feel what I feel.

So?

Im....

Disappointed.

Very disappointed.

That's what I'm feeling right now. I'm disappointed when someone doesn't seem to know I care about them. When they take me for granted. When they shove me aside.

I'm not a wall made of stone. My feelings are not numb. And I'm human. In case they forget... A little gratitude can go a long way. And by gratitude, I didn't mean you have to say "Thank you" coz I can tell if you're saying it just not to make me feel bad.

It's the credit. You don't recognize why would I do such a thing that's not even innate to me. And with that you fail. You absolutely failed. It goes to show you know nothing about me and you don't even care. And why would I care about you? You no longer deserve it. You just made it easier for me to see what kind of a person you are. You just made it clear where do I stand from your stance. And I just don't wanna take more of it. More of your games and pretensions.

Ask me that question again and I'll throw a tantrum. Seriously!

Funny how a 150-page novella can make you think and reassess your sanity.

I made a trip down to National Bookstore last Wednesday looking for some nice reads. I can't remember the last time I stepped into a bookstore. I got so busy and caught up in my little world that I temporarily ceased from book hunting. And last Wednesday , the supposed whiling away the time at the mall made me realize I need to catch up on my reading. I decided against James Patterson's books and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which I've been planning to read since last year) coz I wanted some light (light as in I can finish reading in an hour) and easy (easy as in I don't have to contemplate who the real serial killer is and his motive) material.

Then I remembered reading a local magazine that featured a local author who was actually good in writing chick flick novels. I scoured the shelves and bingo! Found it.

It was not until last night when I remembered that novel. Still wrapped, complete with the receipt, sitting coldly on my table. I grabbed it, reclined on a cot and started leafing through the pages.

The story was simple. Nothing fancy about it. It was so simple that I could relate to everything the main character is going through. We had a lot of similarities and issues. If I didn't know anything better, I would have thought it was the story of my life (with a little modification of course!). I can so relate when it was revealed she's turning 30 in a few months and her bestfriend is constantly setting her up on dates, pressuring her to settle down.

I stopped right there. I stared between the words. God, this is me! I'm turning the big three-oh in a few months and a lot of people have been asking the harshest question no single lady would want to hear : when am I tying that friggin' knot?

As if to add insult to my already injured disposition, I meet up with an old friend a day before I bought that book. While catching up what's IN and what's NOT in our humdrum lives over dinner, she shoot that silliest question out of nowhere.

The golden question?

My friend : So it looks like you've been wandering a lot. When are you planning to get married?

Me : (staring blankly at her)

I was trying to process what she had just said. We haven't seen each other for 6 months. 6 months! And that's all she's gonna ask? I was in the middle of gnawing my food when she asked that marriage thing bluntly. IN.MY.FUCKING.FACE.

What? Is the church going to run away from me? Is there some sort of deadline for this?

I know I'm getting old but I'm not yet that OLD and I'm not acting that way.

To make the long story short I went on reading. The writer was indeed good in keeping up the pace. It was comic, lively and straight to the point. It was also revealed that Carla (the main character) is dating, or more like having a fling to someone younger than her. 5 years younger that is.

Alright. This isn't my biography of some sort is it? What the hell? Why the cradle snatching thing? Did I ever mention on this blog that I once had a boyfriend who was five years younger than I am? I didn't? oh well, now I am. Surprised? Wait 'til you hear this... (I'm ready to lose my followers after this) I dated 2 younger guys some 3 or 4 years back, and I had a non-serious relationship with a 25-year old.

I'm not writing this just to prove a point to the world that I'm a magnet to the younger generation. Coz even I, have a hard time figuring out what could possibly they saw in me. Maybe because I can be with myself, no pretense, not trying to prove anything and I can get by with the little expectations. Or perhaps I don't need another one to boss me around.

If I were to scale resemblance of that story with that of my personal account? I would give it a 9. The only notable difference is that Carla had her happy ending while I am unsure what will be mine.

Would I recommend this novel? Yes if you don't mind reading chick flicks and if you are :
-single . Check
-your friends are already married and they're pushing you to join the marriage club. Check
-dating/fling(ing) with younger guys. Check
-confused with what exactly you want in your life. I already had it figured after reading the book.


But I'm afraid it's only available in the Philippines. :(


>>No Strings Attached by Mina Esguerra<<

If I could

If one morning I'd wake up and I could decide what I want
I'd want to have super powers
That kind of power where I can do whatever I want at the snap of my fingers
And then I'd travel through time
Maybe I'll go back to the past or go and see the future
I want to go back to the time I was a child
Carefree, full of dreams, the whole world in her eyes
I want to go back to those times spent with my father
I would savor each moment coz I know later it won't last
I would play for as long as I can with my playmates
Coz they will become grown ups before I notice it and it will be their kids they're gonna play with
I want to go back to school
To kindergarten, grade school and high school where I met my "bestest" friends
I'd speak with each of my classmates, know them better
I wanna go back to college too
I'd probably enroll in my dream university and take up a different course
And before I knew it, I'm starting to live the world I used to see in my eyes
I'd become a part of it
Every turn of every minute, every night and day
The world revolves and I revolve with it
I watch every day unfolds just like yesterday
I'll live my dreams, trying to make it happen
Challenged, at times confused but struggled to make it through
I'll keep the faith, that fire burning
For I know someday everything will make sense
If I had that super power, I'd fly to the future
Fast forward through time
And see if everything I did now is all worth the fuzz.

How to survive Valentine's Day

So how did you guys spend your Valentine's Day? Candle light dinner, movies, walk in the park? I bet most of you received chocolates and bouquet of flowers. That is usually the picture when you're in a relationship or you have someone special. Valentine's day seems colorful, splendid and you're eager to celebrate it like christmas.

Well good for those who have found true love. But what about the single ladies? The available and ready-to-mingle ones? Hmmmm... that can be tricky. And tough.

Since I'm single and have skipped dating on Valentine's day, I have mastered the art of ignoring it and act like it is just an ordinary day. After all, it IS an ordinary day so what's the fuzz people? I mean it's not even "red" on the calendar. Okay I'll stop right here before I sound bitter.

Anyway, if you don't have that someone special to spend and celebrate VD with, here are some of the things you might consider doing to divert your attention to the overly-commercialized-notion-of-flowers-chocolates-candle-light-dinner-and-sweet-nothings. There! I just sounded hateful, didn't I?

First things first. Stay away from Facebook. When I say stay away, STAY AWAY! In my case, I opened my FB and found enormous, overwhelming love quotes posted in my friends' shoutouts. Love was truly in the walls of FB. They're everywhere screaming at me, telling me it's valentine's day right into my face! Ugh!!

Conclusion : Facebooking on VD is a bad move.

Second. Drown yourself with work. Render overtime if you must. With your deadlines hanging on the edge I'm sure you'll forget about red roses and chocolates. In my case again, my boss was absent and I was just staring at the computer for most of the time.

Conclusion : Tell your boss not to be absent on VD. If he insists that he would under unforgiving circumstances, demand loads of work from him. That's a good way to keep yourself busy, plus... you leave the impression of being a massochist employee.

Third. Don't listen to love songs or any songs that has L.O.V.E. on the title. So much for being a massochist.

Conclusion : Listen to korean songs. At least you can't understand the lyrics... Just don't look up for "Saranghae" on google. That means I LOVE YOU. Damn it!

Fourth. Stay at home and sleep early. That's what I should have done last night. But my friends suggested we dine outside and celebrate our being single and free. 3 against 1, I gave in. We went to a family restaurant and had a good time. The ambiance isn't romantic and most of the diners were, well, families. It makes easier for us to get through the night.

Conclusion : If you can't escape and you can't help but go with your friends, family restaurants are a better option.

So. Did I survive valentine's day? Yeah. Pretty much! Besides, VD isn't just for sweethearts. It is for friends, family, co-workers and even enemies. Everyday can be valentines day if you share the love, pass it on, and magnify it in deed.

Belated happy hearts day!

I know you'll understand... :(

If Facebook has photo tagging, I'm coming up with post tagging. Whatever! This post is especially intended for Sey, Gnetch and Mitch. But anyone can read this of course!

I know you guys are eager for our Blogger meet up. And so do I. The thought of meeting my bloggy friends in person, and for the first time is thrilling and I couldn't wait for that idea to transpire. I can't imagine how much talk, and laughter, and fun we're gonna have. What's more exciting for me is that it's gonna be my first time to set foot in Manila! Yeah, been everywhere in the PI but not in Manila hahaha! Crazy.

As I've mentioned in Twitter, got the ticket like 6 months ago. I'm supposed to be there next week. So let's cut to the chase... Looks like my chances of going there are slim huhuhu... But I'm not saying that I'm NEVER going there.

Really guys, I'm twice as disappointed as you might be. It feels bad letting you down and all those anticipation and talking on facebook won't mean anything if I'm not going to push with it. I hate breaking promises, but as much as I wanted to keep it there are things beyond control that I just couldn't ignore.

It isn't final yet. I'm just telling you in advance how things look on my side. My fingers are crossed though. Hopefully we can do this sooner.

My Friends and their Diabolical Plan

I don't know if I should be grateful for having a bunch of supportive friends coz sometimes they feel like a curse. I'm talking about my friends at work. Actually they're kind, cheerful and trustworthy. But they also have a dark side (exaggeration) and I'm often the victim of their wicked, viscious plans (puppy eyes). I guess they really love me like that.

Anyway, since it's almost February, our HR announced that we will be having a 2-week Valentine celebration starting next week. Cool, right? No. Not anymore when I found out they are up to something.

Our HR came up with "Battle of the Singles" game. Here's how it goes : All names of single ladies (which I am one) and men will be posted. On the first round everyone will cast a vote who they want to eliminate. The top 2 ladies and top 2 men who have the least votes to elimate will qualify for the next round. In the next round, employees will vote who they want to win. They will drop one peso (Php1.00) in the ballot box whenever they cast a vote. Whoever accumulates the highest sum of money goes on a date, with of course the money they've accumulated as the prize.

I can't believe I just explained the rules.

After the announcement, the three of them looked at each other, eyes sparkling, smiling scornfully. And I knew then they were up to something. I could actually smell it.

Their target? ME!!! Who else would be a better prey?

Their diabolical plan : For me to win that date!

Pathetic. I know!

Before I'm gonna divulge their strategy, you might wonder "what's in it for me?". If you have read my previous post you would know about Mr. Someone, right? Right. Mr. Someone-is-a-colleague-who-happens-to-be-my-partner-in-that-fashion-show-which-I-refused-to-join-at-first-but-my-sinister-friends-forced-me-to-and-now-I-don't-know-if-I-should-thank-them-coz-you-know... arrggghhh!!! fill in the blanks coz it's going to be another post.

During our lunch break at the cafeteria they were campaigning to everyone and I mean everyone inside the cafeteria. They're making rounds on all tables, telling everyone they meet at the hallway or wherever to vote for me and Mr. Someone! They are that crazy.

I know I shouldn't bother coz it's just a little thing and I would look so childish if I'd let the teasing get into my  nerves BUT SERIOUSLY IT BOTHERS ME. I just don't like being exposed or put myself into the limelight. It feels like "showbiz" and I hate that. Not just my kind of thing. I'm the type who doesn't crave much for public attention.

And speaking of public attention, my friends are on their feet and they're serious about getting the voting public. They're devising a poster with our picture on it and they're going to post it in the bulletin boards. Whoooaahh!!! This is NOT so cool. I should do something to thwart their plan but it seems my tactics won't work. I tried bribing, treating them to dinner and booze but I get snubbed. Grrrr....! They are ridiculously serious. Or aren't they? Maybe I should start beating them until their bones crack... But 3 against 1? Nah! I won't stand a chance.

So let's just wait and see what will happen on Valentines Day. Before we went back to work I heard them talking about shelling out some cash just to make sure we'll bag the highest sum of money. Damn! This doesn't look so good. Tsk...tsk...tsk....

Lifestyle Change

I always believe in the adage that "Health is wealth". I'm not a  health conscious myself but I always try my best to eat the right kind and amount of food. When it comes to taking regular exercise, I'm a bummer. So if you're looking for a gym buddy or a marathon partner, look somewhere else!

Last Sunday while I was volunteering for the free clinic, my colleague and I submitted ourselves to a cholesterol test. I really don't intend to at first but since it was for free and convenient for us (we don't need to go to a hospital) so I considered the idea.

The nurse took a few blood samples after pricking and squeezing my middle finger. They were using a digital device, so the result was up in 2 minutes. When she revealed my cholesterol level I was flabbergasted. It's 242. I.CANT.BELIEVE.IT.OH.MY.GOD. The normal level is 200. I reasoned that I did not fast and I had just taken my lunch so maybe that's the reason why the result went nuts. But lo and behold.... they told me the normal level for those who did not fast is 230, which means, mine was still beyond normal.

I'm aware about the implications of having high blood cholesterol in your body. It can increase your chances of having a heart disease and nooooooo I don't want to suffer from heart attack (knock on wood). With that in mind, I need to modify my lifestyle.

First, I enrolled back in gym class last monday. In case you didn't know, I enrolled in aerobics and PRT class last March (more on that here). I was battling with my weight gain issue for more than a year and only last March did I decided to take on my last resort - gym! For 3 months I endured the breath-catching, one-hour daily aerobics session and the gruelling bench press and sit-ups. I worked out so hard and forcibly shut off my lazy alter ego. My goal was to get back to my ideal weight. I started with 121 lbs., and by the time I quit I was 110lbs. I would have wanted to continue it for the rest of my life and eventually claim the figure and waistline I used to have (before everything else in my body started expanding), but I got tired and I was already happy with the changes. And now I have another reason why I need to increase my physical activity. I have to do this for myself. So hello gym! I'm back!

Next, diet. Uhhmm.. what's that again? Alright. I don't diet. Even before when I was gaining and gaining weight. I just love to eat. But when I started going to the gym, I learned the art of "moderation". I'd still eat everything - but in moderation.

Fruits, veggies, fish and going easy on meat is my goal. I also need to increase my fiber intake and to stay away from fatty and processed foods. From now on, goodbye seafoods. Goodbye pastries, desserts, ice cream, pizza and chocolate bars. Goodbye bacon, hotdog, ham, corned beef and egg. No, wait! JUST SHOOT ME!!!!

Why does a delicious meal has a price to pay?

Anyway, I'm planning to run another test on my cholesterol level next week. And this time I'm gonna follow the basic procedure, that is, to fast for 9-12 hours prior to the test. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid but I just wanted to be sure coz I felt that the result from last time wasn't that accurate. Seems this lifestyle change is not going to be easy on me (sigh).

Where were you when I needed you?

There was once a time in my life that I wanted to have you. It was when most of the people I know were having your unwanted presence. Though I really don't want you that badly, at least I thought you'll make up a good excuse for not coming to work. Ah, those times when work was so exhausting, demanding, and beating deadlines seems almost like fire fighting. Those times when I wanted to take a short rest, but getting a vacation is like hailing a cab under the pouring rain.

So I conceded the idea.

I'm not meant to have you.

For that time being, maybe.

Halloween's coming over. I'm quite excited! It's gonna be FOUR days off work. Perfect time to have a vacay. Just what I needed, wanted, and been craving for for the past weeks. My friends and I are off to that famous island. Everything has been booked -  resort, tickets. We already made plans of where to go, places to check out, food and drinks to try out and what to do in the next 3 days that we're staying there. We are really excited. Just 5 days more!

But... YOU'RE RUINING IT ALL FOR ME! 

When I woke up this morning, I felt my eyes heavy. My eyelids are getting crusty and I could barely open them. It felt like there are grains of sand inside it and it was slightly painful when I caught the streams of morning light by the window. And that's when it hit me. I know what this is!

I jolt out of bed and faced the mirror. There you are! Why now? Why ONLY now? I don't want you right now. Not this time!

AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH...........

SORE EYES!!!!!!!

Go away!!!!! I can't get on the plane with you. Grrrrrrr........

Letter to myself

I was thinking, if I would write a letter to myself right now, what would I say? Would I be condemnatory about the actions I did in the past? Or would I be considerate enough to exonerate myself from those mistakes? Would I be sensitive to embrace everything I went through? Or would I laugh it off and say "Hey,  at least I've  lived life to the fullest."

If I were to write that letter, it would go something like this :

Dear Self,

I'm happy to see you doing quite well. The blow's been tough these days and it must have been difficult for you to take it in. But now I see that you're going back to your old, normal self - you're smiling again, laughing, and you can go out have fun with friends minus the alcohol. Yah, it was a shame to admit that instead of eating chocolates, you chose to drink it down.  Somehow, the bitterness of wine is easier to swig than the pain you have to endure inside. I guess at some point of the mending process we all have to be idiots. But I'm glad you were able to get past that phase a little shorter than I've expected. I should give you credit for leaving all behind too soon. Maybe your past breakups taught you so well. Those dumb mistakes made you that much smarter. You've handled it pretty well.

I  know there are times you'd feel lonely and sad. You wanted to retract your steps and change your mind. Sometimes it feels easier to be at the wrong track than find yourself at square one once again. When the battle seems exhausting you feel like giving in and WHAT THE HELL anyway? When all these thoughts resurface, just keep in mind that you're better than these. It's alright to be vulnerable and unstable for awhile but putting yourself back on that compromising situation is a no-no. Don't ever try to look back.

Someday you'll just laugh at this. But until then, keep your head up high and go on.

Yours,

Friday's coming fast and I need your help!

Guys I  need your prayer, I mean your suggestions. Well, on second thoughts, your prayers might actually come in handy. Here's why : I've told you already that our company will be celebrating its anniversary at the end of this month. So there are lots of activities in line for that celebration. One of which is the fashion week that happens every friday, in which we're supposed to wear clothes that represents the theme for the week. Two weeks ago we relived the 70s. Last week we looked like Madonna and Michael Jackson's fanatics. That's how crazy we are! I almost thought I was working for Runway Magazine when I saw my colleagues pulled off some of the best looks from the 70s and 80s. And for this week... 90s it is my friends!

Now here's the catch. Since we're composed of teams, each team shall have a representative for the said fashion show. And by fashion show I meant you have to walk down the ramp, flaunt your clothes / dress / get-up WHATEVER!!! In plain, simple, understandable terms - you do the CATWALK like a MODEL does! 

Very much like this :

Fuck!!!

So why am I cursing like that??!

Because this Friday, my teammates are forcing me to do that! DAMN YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They didn't ask me first. They just wrote down my name on the list of "participants" and ta-da!!! I'm the official representative for the 90s fashion show. H*** CRAP!!!!!!

Don't you laugh coz it's not FUNNY!

***wails WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH............

I HATE THEM! I HATE them for doing this to ME!!! Are they on coke or something??? Seriously, what-were-they-thinking?

Okay, I understand there are only a handful females in our group but can't they choose someone else? Someone who is more than willing to do the catwalk, smile and pose before the crowd?

Come on guys!!! In my 29 years, I have never did such a thing. Not even a local beauty contest on the street. And I never ever dared dreaming of that. It's not my cup of tea for crying out loud!!! So what the HECK is this all about??!

And they keep on saying this is just for fun. FUN my ass!!! I don't know where would I find the nerve to do something like that. I have a thick face I know but I'm not flashy like that. I'm extrovert on some things but hitting the ramp is certainly, definitely not one of the many things I fancied. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!! Not even in my next lifetime!!!!

I tried protesting, blackmailing, threatened everyone to no avail. I might even resort to crying but no one seemed to take on my side. And the assholes are even encouraging me. They're even more excited! 

Fine! Cheers to you guys! I'll be drinking straight up with this one :

P.S. 

Any suggestions about the 90s fashion? I mean the dress, the look? Homaygawd I can't believe I'm really doing this but I've got no choice and I can't escape.  You're free to give me ideas or tips... I don't know. But I guess I need your prayers more than anything hahaha!

When the going gets tough...

...hope I'm tough enough to get going.

Here I am again. Another heartbreak, another heartache. It seems I have a magnet for pulling misery to my side. It always find its way to hook up with me no matter how I try to shield myself from its sting.

Another day to get through... Shackles on my feet, please just let me go. I want to go back to my old self - smiling, feisty, alive. I'm putting on a hard face, pretending to be fine. But it's hard to pull off a show like that. My eyes defy me, my laugh sounds empty, my actions speak otherwise.

I dread everything that reminds me of that someone. The workplace, every corner, every sights. It's like all those memories are plastered everywhere. Mocking me. Taunting me.

If this is goodbye, so be it. Thank you for everything we've shared and for everything that I've become because of it. This is a test, I know. I've had enough what else do I need to prove? To others, my life seemed bright and colorful. Yet I don't want the limelight, I don't want the fame, if pain is all I got in exchange.

I know I made a fool out of myself for writing this post. But somehow it lightens me up. I don't care if I sounded stupid coz this is me hurting. Trying to pick up the pieces and start all over again. Start where I left off. The road to moving on may be miles away. I'm on my feet and I'm getting there someday...

About Goodbyes and Dreading Tomorrow

If there's one thing I hate about the word "Goodbye", is that it brings an inconsolable feeling of loneliness. It shatters every hope, every piece of memory you keep holding on. It gives you emptiness and sadness when you begin to think of spending the coming days on your own again. Like it was before. Like when you hadn't known a certain kind of feeling exist.

Goodbyes always get me. It always breaks my heart when someone so close and important to me bids farewell, be it a colleague who decides to try his luck on other endeavors, or a friend who tries to seek greener pasture in foreign lands. I always hate the feeling of being left behind, of being abandoned. It's not that I'm going to miss them terribly, for I'm sure I will, it's the icky feeling that things will never be the same again. That everything you shared together will become nothing but memories which can only be replayed on your mind as time passes.

But they say nothing lasts forever. Even emotions fade over the course of time. Maybe I will learn to face this emptiness, this sadness, this loneliness I'm feeling. Maybe right now I don't wanna think about someone leaving, not just yet. Maybe I'll start thinking that tomorrow never comes so that I will stop dreading each and every day that comes after it.

I often hear a song that says, "Where is the good in goodbye?". Yeah. I already asked myself several times. And more often than not, I always find the same answer. The only good in goodbye is that it lets you face your fears and makes you stronger, which in turn molds you to become a better person.

I may not be able to comprehend the reason why such big decision has to be made, the logic of being apart, the essence of waiting for someone to come back, the value of trusting that promises will be kept, the faith that it's gonna be all worth it in the end - I know one day I'll understand. One day I'll get by. And one day I'm gonna be fine...

If it makes me happy, then why not?

There are times I'd ask myself what really matters. Your own happiness? Or what others perceive what is right for you?

More often than not I would choose what is right for me, not because I wanted to be morally upright, but because I have the tendency to please the people around me. Doing the right thing would sometimes suffice their expectations but somehow it doesn't guarantee you'll find the happiness that you want.

I made a firm resolve that I will be bolder and braver this time when it comes to pursuing the things that will make me happy. I will not be afraid of what others may think about my decisions, as long as I'm not stepping on someone else's toes and I'm not hurting any one in the process. I will start to live "today", as in right at this moment, forgetting the regret of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. After all, life is what you make it. So better do the things that will bring smile to your face and glow in your heart.

Hello, AUGUST... Stay away from me!

Just a few days from now it's gonna be A-U-G-U-S-T. Which means........ imgonnabeayearolder!!!!!!!

Read that??!

Actually, of all the months in the calendar, August is my favorite because : (1.) It's gonna be my Birthday! (2.) It is my Birthday! (3.) I'll be celebrating my Birthday!

Now who hates birthdays? I don't think anyone would. It's a manifestation that we have to be thankful for another year in our life, another chance, another opportunity to become what we want to be.

I'll be a little honest. Whenever the month of August is looming around the corner, I'd feel antsy, a bit sad and pressured. I'm facing the fact that I'm not getting any younger. Most of my friends have already tied the knot, having kids, building their own family. It didn't matter to me at all coz I'm enjoying singlehood. Yes, it didn't really matter until my mother started making innuendos about all my friends settling down, about my childhood playmates having their own kids, about her friends enjoying their grandchildren. As if that pressure ain't enough, she would sometimes quip why can't I get myself a serious, long-time relationship. Oh well I wouldn't be surprised if the next question will be : "Is there something wrong with you?" Hahahahaha!

Crazy as it may seem but if there's one person in this planet who should be more worried - I think it's ME! Really. If she's (mother) worried that I'm not yet settling down at 28, then I should be more concerned about finding the right man to get hitched with in the first place. Hah!

And oh I'm not ranting. I'm just feeling a bit pressured nyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Anyhoo, I'm also excited about next month coz I'm going home for my birthday!!!!! Yeah!!!!! It's been 6 years since the last time I spent it with my family. When I started working far away from home, I have not been able to have an intimate celebration and I kinda miss it.

So. Hello, AUGUST... come now fast!

Maybe someday...some time....

Someday I will understand why life loves to play sick jokes on me. Someday I will have enough of crying, of inconceivable loneliness, of tormenting pain. Someday I will regain the strength to face the brand new day. Someday I will be able to put off my broken smile. Someday, time itself will heal my ruptured heart. Someday music will become soothing to my ears. Someday I will be able to comprehend why fate brought us together only to drift us apart. Someday I will understand why pain is the consequence of loving. Someday I'll get over about losing someone. Someday I'm gonna learn from my mistakes and I'm gonna learn from it the hard way. Someday I will be able to forgive and let go. Someday moving on will be as easy as to count 1,2,3. Someday life will become better for me. Someday I will find the prince who will sweep me off my feet. Someday I'll be able to escape from his spell. Someday I can accept the fact that beginnings do come to an end. Someday I can see clearly where this road is leading to. Someday I can figure out why those who are not meant for us are the ones we want so badly. Someday I'll grow tired of resenting those who have caused me hurt. Someday I'll come to terms with my old self, and when that happens, I'll be thankful for all the right decisions I've made. Someday I'm going to find all the answers to these questions. And I hope that that someday won't take too long.

Aryt, I know you're wondering if I'm okay... Yes I'm perfectly fine. These are just random musings over the past months that I painstakingly wrote on the notepad. I was browsing through my old files when I came across with this and I thought this will make a good blog entry, so.

Sorry about the repetitive "someday". Don't know why I thought of starting the lines with someday. Maybe someday I'll get rid of that. Argggh! There I go again.