Another Blog?

The past mundane days had me thinking of creating another blog. The irony of it! I've been in and out of blogging the past months - or years maybe yet here I am wanting another blog.

Hear me out.

This blog had lost it's identity. This is suppose to be the home of my random thoughts and unfiltered emotions that would fuel my love for writing. Anyhow, it's taking a different path.

I was talking to a friend yesterday and she suggested that I consider travel blogging. I'm not sold with the idea because there are lots of travel blogs than you could count. AND traveling is more of a hobby to me. An escape when everything doesn't feel normal anymore. I don't do it for a living. I do it for love. I don't do it for the sake of taking pictures that would soon flood my friends' FB walls. I do it for the memories, the lessons and experiences that are more valuable than money. I don't do it on a  weekly or monthly basis because I have a regular job. It could get in between my sometimes-busy-schedules. Not to mention the fact that traveling is EXPENSIVE.

Those are my predicament...

But the travel blog idea really struck me. I wanna do it and I wish I could. Blogging is easy. Sustaining the blog is difficult.

I haven't made up my mind though. But with or without the travel blog, I'm still here for my random thoughts. Because this is where I started.

The 9,554,696,748,546,210 REASONS (and counting) why I'm soooooo ANNOYED with my Colleague

Apart from the regular stress I deal at work, I deal with a co-worker who ultimately comes from Satan's den (read: HELL). If you hate someone at your workplace just because they don't follow you on twitter, doesn't like your posts on Facebook OR doesn't give you "life" when you were stuck in level 33 of Candy Crush Saga - consider yourselves lucky!

Sure we don't have to be best friends to co-exist. But if you always put yourself in the subject of discussion and you're an attention-seeking whore, then lock yourself in a room full of mirrors because I'll hand you a glass of drink with poison.

To give you an idea how ANNOYING she is under normal (read again: DAILY) circumstances, read on:

1. The Bubbly Blabber

Who doesn't love a bubbly fellow? We all do, right? But when does being bubbly becomes irritating? It's when (a) she gives her two cents when I'm NOT asking for it. Worst, she's NOT even part of the conversation but throws herself in because she felt that she has a say to EVERYTHING. (b) I'm talking to another colleague then here she comes and asks what we're talking about then shares her own story. Bitch, I've got 2 bucks. Go find someone you can talk to! (c) Somebody asks me a question and she answers. Wait, are you my speaker that you answer everything for me? (d) She repeats what I say. Echoooo. Helooooo...???

2. The Everybody-All-Eyes-On-Me Attitude

Did I mention that she loves attention? Yes? Coz she makes it a point to dress inappropriately in every company event. And when I say inappropriate, I'm talking about plunging necklines here and there, lacy top that makes all the boys ogle at her brassiere, shorty shorts that resembles a boyleg swimwear to me. Not only once did a colleague criticize commented on her distasteful fashion sense but she seemed oblivious.

Now if that's not attention-seeking bitch, what do you call that?

3. Her unladylike antics

I  hate it when people talk loudly on the phone. Dude, have you ever heard about modulation?

 When she's talking to someone outside the company, she always sounds like the big boss. I pity those contractors, customer service agents and staff who had a taste of her whip-lashing tongue. It's pathetic that she had to be tyrannical to get things done. What's more, she wants everything A-S-A-P. So when she calls - drop everything you do and RUUUNNNN.

Another thing - when she sneezes she doesn't cover her mouth. Oh gross!

4. Interruption please...

I really think it's beyond rude when someone deliberately interrupts you in the middle of your sentence. Well, guess what? She does that all the time. I'm not sure if she's aware that it's downright disrespectful?

I guess it happens when you were not born with a spoon of manners in your mouth.

5. Staging a Pregnancy Drama

One time she showed up at the office looking harassed. I mean sleep-deprived. Then she goes on saying she's nauseated, no appetite, food craving and a week delayed period. I get it. She's trying to tell me, oh not only me, but the WHOLE office, particularly everyone she meets at the hallway that she THINKS she's pregnant.

Now if that's how you disclose your active sex life outside of marriage, then go ahead. But stop saying "I'm in denial, I don't wanna get pregnant yet." At 40 you sounded like a high-schooler. Really.

She whines about it every single day. So I told her : see your doctor and have yourself checked. Her reply: I'm still busy. I'll do it in the next two weeks.

She said whaaattt??? 

Then get a pregnancy kit you idiot!

That and the many, many, many things.

I also hate it when she calls while I'm on vacation, whenever she says we have the same shoe style but never seen her wear that even once, when she calls my friends by their pet names that I made up (who the hell gave her the right to do that?), when she refuses to join at meetings because her boss is around and that she's pretending busy (she's not), when she baby talks her boyfriend (gaaaaddd we hear it loud and clear) and this and that!

So tell me, you wouldn't want a co-worker like that or would you?

To All Those Who Keep On Asking When I'm Gonna Tie The Freaking Knot...? READ THIS!!!

That probably is the lengthiest title I've ever come up with. But, what the hell?!

I'm sure you already have an idea what this rant post is all about.

When I went home for my mother's birthday last month, I was overwhelmed to see my cousins, aunts and uncles from my mother's side. I don't see them that often coz I don't go home that much. And whenever I do, I don't spend most of my time with them.

But, "Overwhelmed" turned into "hmmm-i-don't-like-this-type-of-conversation-so-everyone-please-stop-it-before-i-go-haywire-and-kill-you-off".

Coz you know what? They were all asking me - each one of them - the bazillion dollar question : When am I going to get married?

Other similar questions include:
>>>Why are you still single? Is there something wrong with you? - Honestly, I can hear them even in their silence. I've acquired Edward Cullen's mind-hearing ability just so you know!
>>Are you married already?

And the worst question?

>>>Do you have children?

Aryt, lemme get this straight... I know I'm not in my best shape right now but it doesn't mean I've had bore kids with this body. Will you please stop stereotyping?

First, I took it as a joke. Then as a compliment (them showing concern for my well-being - ehem!). Until it became a nuisance, a disgusting version of "how are you?", annoying, extremely downright unbecoming, and I couldn't help but mumble what is wrong with you people?

I get pissed off and insulted when people keep on asking that stupid question again and again and again like getting married is ALL THAT MATTERS.

If being married is the next best thing to internet, no one would have ever invented divorce.

Don't get me wrong. I dreamt of walking down the aisle one day. But if it's not for me, then I'm not gonna cry and lock myself in solitude just because of some people's notion that being single is pathetic! Being married is both a choice and a decision. The same logic applies if I wanted to stay single for now. Being married is not a measure of how you fared in life, in your career, in your journey. But being single can get me to most places, even to the promotion ladder. Being married is not the be all and end all of being a woman. But I believe being single is. Because you do things for your self, you get things done all by your self, you feel happy and contented with your self. And most of all, you can be happy and live your own life with your self.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having someone in your life. But surely there is something WRONG with people who think that a woman like me should join the marriage bandwagon because that is the rightful thing to do.

Oh crap! This is the 21st century...

From which era are you?

And hey! I'm not totally single. I'm with someone. And were totally happy even without the paper.

Seriously, me? No blogging since 2013???

I decided to pay a visit on my blog today. And... guest what? I realized I didn't blog for the last five months. Not even a single entry for this year.

Wait, did I just make a New Year's Resolution for blogging more often? Forget it. Resolutions are made to fool yourself that you'll do things you wanna do but the truth is you will absolutely forget about it.

Anyway, two weeks ago I attended a wedding. A beach wedding. My dream wedding actually, which I wasn't the bride. It was the most beautiful wedding I've ever witnessed. I'll try to post some pictures soon - but I'm afraid I didn't take a single pic because I was so stressed overwhelmed that day.

Did I mention I was the wedding coordinator? I didn't? Yeah, there's no way you guys would know because I totally abandoned this blog.

So yeah... the groom, who was a good friend of my boss, who became a good friend of mine too - asked me to help him sort things out for the wedding starting from the hotel accommodation of the entire 42 guests, to the charter plane that will take us all to the island, the pastor, the flower arrangement, venue set-up and decoration, food and entertainment, give-aways and all the hassles you could think of that contributed much to the stress I was in to.

Ten months of planning and hard work plus 300+++ e-mails from the groom. Way to go!
He lives in London and we were just e-mailing the whole planning thing until he arrived a week before the big day. Great!


But I was even surprised when I learned I pulled it off. That was my first time to organize such a big and important event. I was not into wedding planning and stuff ever! But I could say I did a very good job.

Now I have a fallback career haha!

Road to MBA

It was not so long ago when I found myself sitting on the four corners of the room along with other 19 hopeful MBA students. The four corners became my haven and, whether I like it or not, the-place-to-be every Saturday for the next 16 months of my humdrum life.


It was exciting but sometimes boring. Could be sometimes easy but most of the time difficult while cracking your brains, strapping you down in the chair for the next three solid hours. It was fun, tedious, creative, informative, self-sacrificing, nerve-wracking, sleep-depriving and humbling experience for me.

That's how I would describe it.

But of course that doesn't include how stressful it was when we took the comprehensive exam for two days and the oral revalida that would make me shrink in jittery at the mere sight of the five panelists. The best part is, we all emerged in the "torture chamber" smiling and joyous with the result.

The last part of the journey? Applying for graduation.

I can finally say that sleepless nights are finally over. It was tough but the end of the road is just as sweet... And I'm looking forward to the crisp smell of my diploma. :)

Almost there

Thirteen months ago, I went up for a challenge. A decision I never thought I'd make myself into. Oh guys, nothing serious. I'm just talking about my decision to take up masters program.

Back then I never thought of going to school anytime soon. But when opportunity presented itself, I took a stab at it not knowing how far it will take me.

It was fun. Well, as it is always in  learning. But there was always this difficult times. Those times when I really wanted to turn my back and give up. Many times I asked myself why do I have to do this? I already have a job. I've got a promising career. This is not really necessary...

During the course of the program I learned so many things I didn't know all along. These learning did not come from textbook, but from my classmates, my colleagues who were generous enough to share what they have learned. The weekly interactions, group discussion and case studies paved the way for unfounded realization.

It is alright to be contented. But it's better not to be complacent. The corporate world is a chaotic, unstable, fast-changing place to dwell in. It is best to be armed and stay ahead of competition.

True enough sleepless can be over too. The last semester for the program will end next week. That means I'm all done with class presentations and powerpoints. Huh!

I could almost smell my diploma and the toga... But wait, the biggest challenge is yet to come - passing the comprehensive exam and revalida. This could be the toughest one. So books, internet, journals.. get ready!!! I'm digging on you one last time.




 

burn baby burn

No it's not Angelique the witch in The Dark Shadows talking...

It's me talking to my fats? Errr...bumpy muscles I mean. :)

It was in 2010 when I started going to aerobics and gym class. Aerobics was the fun part while weights is something that makes me want to dive in bed.

After 3 months of rigorous, butt bouncing, hip shaking exercise - and oh the weights! how can I forget them, I went down from 120lbs to 110lbs. And the tight clothes seemed to fit better again. (clap!)

Then I stopped.

I got so burned out with the routine. I wasn't ready for it either. I just wanted to shed off some pounds because... because I thought that's what I should be doing.

Three months of bench press and all that stuff is HELL to me. Sometimes I'd skip gym for a week. And when I realized I've thrown my hard earned money for nothing, I get the "motivation" to get on track again.

And now, I'm faced with the same problem years ago - WEIGHT GAIN and UNWANTED CURVES. Mygawd! why all the good food stuff result in weight scales going up? why can't I just sit on my desk all day long without gaining extra pounds? why there have to be consequences????!!!

This leaves me with no choice. NOW or NEVER!

Thursday came, I found myself standing at the door of the once familiar place. I'm hearing that upbeat music pounding again. The aerobics instructor's voice coaching, counting, and demonstrating the moves. The mirrors telling me there are still plenty of hopefuls. 

I'm one of them.

Two years after, and after so much talk about me going to the gym - I finally did it!

And this time, I'm meaning it.

Well, goodluck to me.

whatever happened to my love for writing

For months I had literally ignored this blog. 

Not just blogging, but writing itself.

I'm not going to blame my job this time. I'm not going to say I'm too busy to sit down and write. I'm not going to say my masters program stole my whole time and drained me.

Maybe it's one of those times when you're too tired to care about everything. When you just want to deal with the present and savor it to yourself.

Or maybe I just lack focus.

Or doing many things at the same time is no longer true to me.

Whatever it is, I'm glad I have revisited this blog.

And hopefully, I can fill it with many stories just like what I used to do before.

P.S.

Hell yeah, I need to blog more often. I'm lost in this new blogger theme.

Since when did blogger inherited facebook's quirks?

Ooooppsss! there we fly again!

I had a "merry-go-round" trip last Friday...

Two weeks ago, my boss told me that I shall fly down to Siargao for a meeting. Wow, didn't I just sound like a corporate executive? Wait 'til I finish this.

Apparently, the company I work for is venturing into travel and tourism. They are developing a first class resort in Siargao, the home of prominent surfing waves called cloud 9. As the opening date is getting closer, we're burdened with a lot of preparations that needed me to go there to meet up with the travel agent from Germany and the resort's General Manager as well. So the trip is all about work, work and work. NOT pleasure.

I wasn't excited when my boss broke the news to me. Four days in the island with lots of work waiting is not my idea of an idyllic scene. Anyhoo, I've been to this paradise ten years ago and I was truly amazed with their rich biodiversity, unspoiled nature and pristine beach. That was one of my biggest trip back then (when I was still a student and could hardly afford an out-of-town trip for three days).

With less anticipation for pleasure and more on the business side, I packed my things for an unusual trip. My mother was kinda worried because of the looming typhoon on that part of the world. I reasoned that if the weather won't cooperate the airline will surely cancel the flight, but seriously, I'm already bracing for a bumpy, turbulent ride.

At the airport, I met up with my travel companion - the travel agent from Germany and three of his friends which he invited to tag along, my colleague and the newly hired staff for the island. This 'newly hired staff' doesn't know what 8 o'clock sharp meant. He showed up at 8:30am when the counter is about to close. I was already pissed knowing I showed up early so I can still have breakfast and he is about to ruin it coz we're boarding in the next 10 minutes. I decided to swing by Dunkin Donuts to grab a sandwich and a cup of coffee when the paging system called out our names. Holy cow! For the first time in my whole darn life I became famous (insert sarcasm here). And when we went up inside the plane, all passengers we're staring at us. We'll who wouldn't? We were the last passengers to board. Damn that newly hired staff!!!

Forty-five minutes later the captain announced we're about to land. Ten minutes later I still couldn't catch a glimpse of the runway. It was cloudy and foggy all over. Then I saw the ground below kinda blurry because of the heavy rain that poured just as we descended. I felt the plane touched the ground, like 5 seconds in the runway when it suddenly revved up and went up again. I was bewildered. I was looking at the flight attendant searching for answers but she was calmly seated in the front like telling us there's nothing to be worried about. Some passengers we're looking at one another, wondering why we took off. Others we're scared, panicky but the good thing was everybody tried to be calm.

I wasn't scared though. But I was worried why the pilot made that maneuver. I'm playing possible reasons in my mind while trying to control my fear. I guess it helps when you travel a lot. I've had some of the worst travel experience... and that particular situation shall become part of the list.

A minute later we heard the captain speaking from the cabin. He said, the rain poured heavily on our way down and the visibility of the runway isn't favorable for safe landing that is why he had to took off immediately.

Okay, for a moment there the tension eased. I was about to ask the flight attendant if we landed at the wrong airport. Glad I did not ask about that or it would have made me look stupid haha!

We were circling above the thick clouds for the next 40, read that : f-o-r-t-y-m-i-n-u-t-e-s before the pilot attempted his second landing. I guess, some things aren't just meant to be because halfway through the attempt, we ascended again and I felt the plane turning to the right.

We headed back to Cebu as it is not safe to land due to bad weather condition. I commended the staff of this airline for not compromising our safety. I was frustrated that I was not able to get there. But yeah, it's better not getting to our destination than not getting back home.

Anyhoo, that was the longest I've gone - Cebu to Cebu in two hours!!! hahaha! Beat that!

Back in Cebu airport we were faced with a long queue coz everyone's trying to get the next possible flight to Siargao. My boss who was worried about our situation called up and told me he was at the airport and saw our plane touched down then flew again. All he could say was : "Oh there they go. Happened to me thrice." Hahaha! I'm glad we're not the only one who had experienced that kind of predicament.

And because we needed to be at the resort this weekend, and the next flight to the island is on Monday, the only option we had was to go on chartered flight. Few minutes later I was talking to someone who charters flight to Siargao. But since it's a 5-seater plane, and there were 7 of us, my colleague and I volunteered to step out. I mean, that kind of weather and a small plane doesn't appeal to me. Besides, the pilot told us that it's still raining in Siargao but he can possibly land because the sky is clearing. On my part, I don't want to take chances. Not this time. I've been up in the air for two solid hours thinking if we can land or not. That's pretty tiring already and I don't wanna go through the same situation again.

By 2PM the small plane departed from the hangar. An hour after I was told they were able to land safely. Thank God.

Back home I was effing tired and sleepy. It was a veeeeery long day for me. But you know the perks of that trip? I saw this heart-shaped island en route Siargao. It was sooooo lovely! The sad part is, I was not able to take a pic coz my camera was on my bag which I obligely dropped at the baggage counter. Grrrrr...!!! Anyway, the next time I'll go there I'll make sure to take a snapshot.

And that was the only thing that made my trip worthwhile... :)

And So I Realized There's Something GOOD Left In Me

I did something good today...

That kind of thing I don't "normally" do...

I texted my estranged friend...

" I just wanna say sorry for everything. I realized how far apart we've grown because of my stupid pride. Hope we could still be friends after all."


The last time I checked, I've eaten my breakfast and had my coffee. I also had a good sleep. But I don't know why I suddenly missed her.

We've been friends for many years. We took care of each other like sisters do. She has been a good friend to me until that heated discussion and my pride got in the way. We have not been talking for more than a year. All those times I secretly loathe her. And I don't know why.

All the people around us have been trying to help patch our differences. But I won't flinch. I stood my ground. I made a firm resolve that I don't wanna be friends with her anymore.

And that is why I don't know what happened to me this morning. For the rarest time, I swallowed my pride.

She did not reply though and I understand coz I hurt her too much. What's important is that I've set off my grudge on her - finally.

Hi there 2012!

Hey guys! Haaaappy New Yeeeeaarrr!!!

My first post for 2012 and I don't know what to write...

Anyhoo, my new year's eve was just so-so. Cooked, went to church, had the traditional meal at the onset of new year, stared up at the fireworks and almost blurted out that I saw a UFO when in fact it was a sky lantern. Guess I've been watching too much TV shows.

The next day we had a slumber party with my girlfriends. We crashed at one of my friend's house and had a night full of talk, laughter, teasing, champagne, desserts and movies. We watched the Millenium trilogy (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl who played with Fire, The Girl who...forgot the rest of the title) in one sitting. Good thing : I wanted to read the book but couldn't find time so watching it on screen was a pretty good idea. Bad thing : We downloaded the "not english version" (not sure but i think it was Swedish?) so we ended up reading subtitles for the 3 movies. Great!

So. 2012. What's in store for me?

They say this is a lucky year for roosters. I was born on the year of the rooster, which means... I'm luckier this year. Luckier because 2011 was already a great year for me. I was able to visit many places, I got promoted, dated someone 5yrs younger than I am. (nyahahaha..aryt, don't judge. it all started with the teasing and the next thing I know I was kinda attracted to him like he was to me. We hangout for five months and it didn't work out).

But the "bestest" thing that happened in 2011 was finding the one person who really mattered to me. Yay!!!

For this year, I pray that :

> it will be more peaceful
> the end of the world scare is NOT true. Though I firmly believe that no one knows the exact time but sometimes thinking about it really does get into my nerves.
> more career growth and opportunities
> good health for my love ones
> safety for everyone (think how disastrous 2011 was)

Resolutions??? Uhmmm.. I'm not really good at this but maybe I can take a stab. So for the sake of having a new year's resolution, here are mine:

> won't be late for work. Ahhh, wait. Except on Fridays coz it's my fab day, yah know?
Trivia : I got reprimanded for being 5x late in a month last December. The downside is : as a disciplinary measure, I'll be suspended for 2-5 days (I think). And the upside??? Hell yeah! I can use that for my next travel!

See that? There's always a rainbow after the rain. Ewww. Whatever!

> i'd try to be as understanding as i can be
> won't start a fight (This is negotiable. Depends on the issue)
> lessen my being unreasonable
> stretch my patience on colleagues who can't get instructions easily
> be more attentive
> be nicer to people who aren't nice to me (seriously? me?)
> blog as often as i can (2010 - 104 posts. 2011 - 40 posts. not even half of it. tsk, tsk...)
> to be more daringly honest on my blog (there are issues that i want to share on my blog but i'm having second thoughts whether to share them or not)

Okay. that's it for the resolution. I wish i can make some of it especially the first one before my boss thinks of kicking me out hehe...

Here's to a wonderful 2012 everyone!

The Monday After Tomorrow

I don't really like Mondays nor that I hate it. It just signals the start of another long week to battle. In most cases Mondays are hellish busy and yeah - manic.

For school girls and working girls like me, Monday would never appeal except if pay day falls on that day. But somehow I'm excited for the next monday to come. Nothing special though. It is but the onset of another milestone for me... I'll be a school girl once again!

After weeks of careful thought, consideration, weighing options, identifying pros and cons and consulting my mother, relatives, friends and even colleagues - I finally decided to go back to school and get an MBA.

I never thought of the idea before. It wasn't included in my plan to cover 1% of the Philippine Islands but I guess some things just pop out of your head. The thing is, it isn't just "some things". It's an opportunity to learn more, to gain leverage and challenge myself a bit farther.

One of the factors that got me paused for a decision is the cost it incurs. You know how I am when it comes to spending money. I'm in for the pleasure rather than for anything else. But I thought of making a little sacrifice. A little modification of my habits. Just a little change. The wanderlust would still be on my list though I have to minimize it a bit.

I also asked myself if I can do this. I don't wanna trouble myself in to something which I can't finish. Work plus school needs balance, or you get axed in between. I set crazy expectations for myself and I'm myself's worst critic. To fail at this is not an option. It's balls and all. Not to be half-hearted about it. And I've decided to choose the hard way...

It's going to be ALL my friends!

From one bitch to another

Dear Hater,

First of all I'd like to applaud you for going through the effort of getting an anonymous number, persistently calling my phone, then wouldn't answer if I'll pick up and sending nasty text messages.

So cowardly.

I don't know who you are and the fucking hell I care. All I know is that you hate me for being me. Sorry missy, whatever you do you'll never be Me. Either deal with it or live with that. Your choice, LOSER.

Though I find your bitching annoying and irritating, it will not shaken me. Sticks and stones may break my bones but none of your words will. So go on creep! Keep hating me and keep talking. You've no idea how much you make me feel like I'm famous. You're creating this little drama out of pure insecurity. Oh by the way, did I tell you that insecurity has no cure? Well, goodluck with that! Eat your heart out and die.

I wanted so much to reply on your nasty messages. Believe me, it took a lot of courage for me not to. I won't play with your games coz I'm far better than you are and you know that! Just make sure I'll never find out who you are. Coz when I do, it won't be pretty. If you know me that much, I'm sure you know not to mess up with me. So keep hiding from that anonymous number. Mask your face with those text messages. You're doing yourself a big favor for doing that. Or should I say, saving your face for doing that.

And what is it that you said we see each other everyday and how much you wanted to grab my hair? Hmmm..interesting. That's why I never changed my number. Coz each time you text me, you subconsciously reveal your identity. See how stupid can you get? Say whatever you want to say. No matter what you do it won't change the fact that between you and I, you're the one who needs a big slap on the face. Pathetic!

And while I'm reading your "bothering" messages, I can't help but laugh. Sooner or later I'll find out who you are. So be careful bitch - one false move and you're down.

Anyway, expect not to get any replies from me. Haaayy... waste of time, waste of money, waste of effort. And what is it that they say about holding grudges to other people takes a toll on your health? I won't waste my life on you psychotic bitch. I live a fabulous life which I'm pretty sure you don't. So again, eat your heart out!

I know you won't be able to read this blog. But in case you stumble on this page, read every word carefully coz I'm not going to warn you again. From one bitch to another -BACK OFF CREEP!

Things That Would Make Me Look Like An Idiot

I'm not the smartest girl in the world but I try not to fall short on people's expectations. And sometimes my superhuman powers a.k.a. multitasking abilities do wear off when I'm too tired and stressed. Well, I'm just human.

About 70% of my job is correspondence. Most of the time my boss would ask me to proofread or write/reply an e-mail on his behalf. Now would he entrust those things to me if he finds out my e-mail bloopers lately? I bet he will have second thoughts.

I don't know why I have this non-focused mode lately. So if you spot inconsistency, incoherence, misspelling and wrong choice of words and phrases in this post, that's the non-focused mode I'm trying to say, slowly kicking in.

So. On to my bloopers. E-mail bloopers. I have a lot actually but these two had been haunting me in my sleep and I will never ever forgive myself for this. You see, when I type in the computer I look at the monitor. Not on the keyboard. The reason for this is to avoid misspelling and so that I can review what I'm writing right away. What happens during the last few days is that I'm not actually reading what I'm typing. It's more like looking straight into the monitor but seeing past through it.

Blooper # 1 :
I typed : His assport is with me.
That should be : His passport is with me.

Blooper # 2:
I typed : He went to the hospital to tender the injured partners.
That should be : He went to the hospital to tend to our injured partners.

Aside from misspelling and wrong word choice, what's the difference?

The first one was sent internally and is obviously a case of misspelling. Besides, the three recipients will just laugh at the 'assport' word. I'm not perfect you know, but I created a new word that will line up with 'asshole', 'assbag', 'ass', and 'kick my ass'. Whatever!

The second one... Well this, this caused the nightmare in my sleep. I was cracking my brains if I really wrote 'tender' instead of 'tend' when I went to bed. I immediately retrieved my sent items folder when I sat at my office chair the following day. And there I saw, re-read my email, and for the first time I could make out the grim expression of my face reflecting on my screen. Ohmygod what a shame! Seriously, tender the injured partners? What are they? MEAT???! Arrrrgh!

And the worst part? I sent them to our Operations Director in the US and Europe. Daaaammmmmnnnnn!!!!!

For half a second I want to blame my boss for asking me to send that e-mail. He was suppose to have a conference call with these guys but he was in a hurry to go to the hospital. And who was I to say, "no"?

There! I have completely made an idiot out of myself. I wonder what will these people think of me (sighs).

And when you insist on texting someone who doesn't bother or too busy to reply coz maybe that someone has completely and utterly forgotten you is also a serious case of STUPIDITY. Well, I'm gonna pass on that. To HELL with you!

Over and done

I'm not really good at keeping promises. I said that I won't blog at the onset of Holy Week and yet here I am. There are just some things I want to unload. And since writing is therapeutic, I can't think of any other ways to relieve myself from the shock and surprise that got me pause for a while and mull.

Last year I wrote a blog post which remained in the draft. Never published. No one has ever read. But I mentioned about it in one of my post and even told my blog friends that I'm gonna post it when courage finds me. Well, I think the time has come to let it out and make the world know that it's definitely over and done.

Here it is :

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5/20/2010

EXes Baggage

I don't talk much about my love life. I just don't. I'm not comfortable discussing it with other people. Even to my closest friends. Whenever the subject of ex-boyfriends come to life, I would try my very best to avoid and adamantly refuse to talk about it. I'd become pissed off at the mere mention of their names.

I have what they call an "EXes baggage".

An "EXes baggage" is (by my definition) a chip on the shoulder, a nightmare in your sleep. It's something you want to leave behind but you just can't, and you unwillingly carry it with you as you go. Exes baggage isn't all about hatred, resentment or grudge. It's half filled with regret and disappointment. It's a mixed emotion of "should have", "would have", "could have". I should have done this... it would have been like that... we could have been... It's a remorseful feeling.

I didn't have a clean break-up with my exes. It always starts with a fight, exchange of harsh text messages, pointing fingers at one another, then ends up acting like total strangers.

The last one was an exception...

He went cold. We hardly see each other. He can't seem to find a way to spend time and talk with me. Even his texts have gone sour.

After a couple of weeks of no word from him, he finally called - at my office! Imagine my surprise. I never expected he'd call me at work coz he never did it once. So we talked on the phone. I thought he's gonna be sorry for his absence. I thought he'll make amends. But I was wrong.

HE BROKE UP WITH ME. Man, I never thought I would ever have the courage to say this but yes, he called it quits.

To be jilted was never easy... especially for a girl. It was like my self-worth was crushed and stomped a million times. He didn't realize how painful it was for me. It was hundred times more painful than being cheated. And it was so unfair! Because he didn't give us a chance to work on our differences or whatever problems we had. He didn't think about me. Of what I'm gonna feel or how will I take it. He simply did not care... at all!

It seemed to me that he planned it all along. So cunningly of him to break up with me over the phone, at the office, so I would never have a chance to say or do anything stupid. So scheming. That's how it seems to me. Would I cry telling him to compromise, beg him to stay, ask him to give our relationship another try while my co-workers are eavesdropping? Or would I rather keep silent? I'm the type of person who doesn't want to draw attention. Exposing my wrecked love life to anyone around is certainly not one of my greatest idea. So when he said that famous break-up line "It's not you, it's me", I just took my defeat.

After our conversation I rushed to the ladies room and relieved myself from the sorrow waiting to outburst, of the looming tears and occasional sobs that wouldn't wane. I was deeply hurt. And the hardest part? I have to go back to work and pretend and act like everything is alright. That it was like any normal, ordinary, usual day. And when my friends asked about him, it would take all of my strength and self-control not to bawl while telling them what happened.

It's been 3 years, 3 months, 10 days since then. Yet it would still haunt me like it was yesterday. 3 years, 3 months, 10 days of my non-existent, dehydrated, humdrum life. I had suitors after that and God knows how much I tried to like every single one of them. I practically pulled myself to go on dates. I tried to forget and move on with the rest of the world. But I just couldn't bring myself to fall in love.

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It was weird coz a few days after I wrote that, he emailed me. Out of nowhere. MIA for three years and he just emailed me catching up like nothing ever happened between us. Guys are really dickheads. Maybe not all of them but 99% of them.

Now, you might ask where did this emotional outburst come from. I learned that he just got married. When I found out, I wasn't hurt. I can't say that I'm happy for him but I wish him well. Maybe this is the closure that I've been waiting for. This time I can really say to myself that I'm over him and I'm done with this EXes baggage.

And in that case... Hello world!

My Lenten Season To-do List

I think I'll start making this a tradition to make a to-do list for the whole Lenten week. Because what usually happens is that I just stay at home doing movie marathon like it's the most "meditating" thing to do.

To start off, I already did confession, at last after 6 long years. I could not forget the feeling when I did confession 6 years ago. I was really nervous. Huh! That goes to show how much of a sinner I am haha! Okay, I'm not making this a joke but it does get into my nerves when I'm spilling my sins to the priest. And last Friday was no exception. I had to muster enough courage to do it. But you know what? When I walked out of the room, I 've never felt so light and so happy. So happy that I did it.

But the downside was, that Friday night I went to have dinner with my colleagues. And who knows what happens after dinner? We had some Margaritas and sang our heart's out. Anyway that was clean fun. So I guess having multiple swigs of Margarita doesn't make you that much of a sinner, right? Right. I'm just human!

So when morning came my head was slightly throbbing and I knew why it was. Too bad for me.

Oh wait. I'm out of line. Isn't this post suppose to be my to-do list for the holy week?

So. Confession? Check.

Fasting? I haven't done this before. Maybe the only chance I could get closer to fast is because I'm too lazy to cook my own meal. But they say fasting isn't just about "not eating". It's about restraining yourself from doing the things you like doing. Like what? Like blogging? Facebooking? Texting? The whole nine yards? Uhhmm... can I negotiate? Blogging, maybe. But facebook? Ahhhhhhh!!!! Okay. Will try. After all it's sacrifice. What's 3 days without social network? waaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!

And because it's holy week - I must go to church. You know, exercise... Walk the faith. I won't just sit at home watching re-runs of my favorite TV show.

Most of all - PRAY. I missed a lot on that one. I'm not a prayerful person and it sure takes a lot of willpower to do it every night before going to bed and every waking day (which until now I'm a failure).

Lastly, I wanted to renew ties with a friend whom I haven't spoken to for 6 months. I don't hate her anymore. Or maybe I still do subconsciously... but I can't find it in my heart to talk to her. I don't know. Maybe I've reached saturation point whatever!

One thing I can give myself credit for is that I'm a good friend and I treat my friends well. But once I get hurt, I'm hurt and it won't be easy to mend it.

All in all I'm excited coz I'm going home and I get to rest for 4 days! Yeah baby yeah!

So if you won't read any post from me - that's because I'm serious about this!

Get a pup or not?

NOTE : This is going to be a "pet" talk. So bear with me.


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It's been 2 months since my dog passed away and I kinda missed the feeling of having a canine friend. I grew up with dogs. I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't have a pet. I usually have one and it's always a dog. (sorry. i'm not a cat lover)

When Piper died, I'm not sure if I'd like having a pet again. Call it mourning but yeah I guess I'm badly hurt that I didn't want to have another my-dog-died stint in my life. I've had many dogs in the past and everytime they say goodbye I would always cry a river (you have to be a dog lover to understand the feeling). The last one was the hardest coz I had her for 10 years.

Two weeks ago, a friend asked me if I'd like to have a puppy. I said, "of course". She said she'll give me one and jokingly said it will be her early wedding gift to me. Hahaha! Thanks but I want to kill her for having said that.


The pup is a mongrel. I usually go for mongrels coz they're not hard to take care. They are less maintenance, they can eat whatever, sleep wherever and most of all they are intelligent and protective making them a good house dog. Though I wanted to have an akita (like that of Hachiko's breed), or a retriever or a labrador but they're damn expensive and taking care of them could be costly (if they get sick) and it would entail me to spend more time with them coz they're very needy of their owners. (Except for akitas. they're independent. *trivia*) Well I don't have the luxury of time coz I'm working and I'm renting a place. There's no one to look out for them when I'm off to work and that's where mongrels become the best choice.

Now my dilemma is if I'm ready to have a puppy. Would I be able to take care of him properly? I don't want to send him home either. I want to bond, play and talk to him like I do before. I want to see a tail wagging when I get home. I miss getting those scratches in my arms whenever a dog jumps at me in mere happiness to see me.

Having a dog is like having a baby. Uhm I'm not sure if this is a good comparison but for me it is. You take good care of them, feed them, understand what their needs are - which can be a challenge since they don't talk. From my years of bonding with a dog, I can say I became good at telling what they think, what they feel and what they need. But still I'm not sure if having a pup right now is a good idea.

Im....

Disappointed.

Very disappointed.

That's what I'm feeling right now. I'm disappointed when someone doesn't seem to know I care about them. When they take me for granted. When they shove me aside.

I'm not a wall made of stone. My feelings are not numb. And I'm human. In case they forget... A little gratitude can go a long way. And by gratitude, I didn't mean you have to say "Thank you" coz I can tell if you're saying it just not to make me feel bad.

It's the credit. You don't recognize why would I do such a thing that's not even innate to me. And with that you fail. You absolutely failed. It goes to show you know nothing about me and you don't even care. And why would I care about you? You no longer deserve it. You just made it easier for me to see what kind of a person you are. You just made it clear where do I stand from your stance. And I just don't wanna take more of it. More of your games and pretensions.

Ask me that question again and I'll throw a tantrum. Seriously!

Funny how a 150-page novella can make you think and reassess your sanity.

I made a trip down to National Bookstore last Wednesday looking for some nice reads. I can't remember the last time I stepped into a bookstore. I got so busy and caught up in my little world that I temporarily ceased from book hunting. And last Wednesday , the supposed whiling away the time at the mall made me realize I need to catch up on my reading. I decided against James Patterson's books and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (which I've been planning to read since last year) coz I wanted some light (light as in I can finish reading in an hour) and easy (easy as in I don't have to contemplate who the real serial killer is and his motive) material.

Then I remembered reading a local magazine that featured a local author who was actually good in writing chick flick novels. I scoured the shelves and bingo! Found it.

It was not until last night when I remembered that novel. Still wrapped, complete with the receipt, sitting coldly on my table. I grabbed it, reclined on a cot and started leafing through the pages.

The story was simple. Nothing fancy about it. It was so simple that I could relate to everything the main character is going through. We had a lot of similarities and issues. If I didn't know anything better, I would have thought it was the story of my life (with a little modification of course!). I can so relate when it was revealed she's turning 30 in a few months and her bestfriend is constantly setting her up on dates, pressuring her to settle down.

I stopped right there. I stared between the words. God, this is me! I'm turning the big three-oh in a few months and a lot of people have been asking the harshest question no single lady would want to hear : when am I tying that friggin' knot?

As if to add insult to my already injured disposition, I meet up with an old friend a day before I bought that book. While catching up what's IN and what's NOT in our humdrum lives over dinner, she shoot that silliest question out of nowhere.

The golden question?

My friend : So it looks like you've been wandering a lot. When are you planning to get married?

Me : (staring blankly at her)

I was trying to process what she had just said. We haven't seen each other for 6 months. 6 months! And that's all she's gonna ask? I was in the middle of gnawing my food when she asked that marriage thing bluntly. IN.MY.FUCKING.FACE.

What? Is the church going to run away from me? Is there some sort of deadline for this?

I know I'm getting old but I'm not yet that OLD and I'm not acting that way.

To make the long story short I went on reading. The writer was indeed good in keeping up the pace. It was comic, lively and straight to the point. It was also revealed that Carla (the main character) is dating, or more like having a fling to someone younger than her. 5 years younger that is.

Alright. This isn't my biography of some sort is it? What the hell? Why the cradle snatching thing? Did I ever mention on this blog that I once had a boyfriend who was five years younger than I am? I didn't? oh well, now I am. Surprised? Wait 'til you hear this... (I'm ready to lose my followers after this) I dated 2 younger guys some 3 or 4 years back, and I had a non-serious relationship with a 25-year old.

I'm not writing this just to prove a point to the world that I'm a magnet to the younger generation. Coz even I, have a hard time figuring out what could possibly they saw in me. Maybe because I can be with myself, no pretense, not trying to prove anything and I can get by with the little expectations. Or perhaps I don't need another one to boss me around.

If I were to scale resemblance of that story with that of my personal account? I would give it a 9. The only notable difference is that Carla had her happy ending while I am unsure what will be mine.

Would I recommend this novel? Yes if you don't mind reading chick flicks and if you are :
-single . Check
-your friends are already married and they're pushing you to join the marriage club. Check
-dating/fling(ing) with younger guys. Check
-confused with what exactly you want in your life. I already had it figured after reading the book.


But I'm afraid it's only available in the Philippines. :(


>>No Strings Attached by Mina Esguerra<<

Man's bestest friend

The moment I saw this headline on Yahoo News, I knew I shouldn't watch this coz it will break my heart. But then curiosity and love for dogs got the better of me.

Here's the video, courtesy of youtube and yahoo news, I'm talking about.



"It's a universal truth that dogs are man's best friend, but they're pretty darn loyal to their own as well. Case in point: this tear-inducing video, via the website Jezebel, showing a dog, shivering and disoriented, remaining loyally by the side of a stricken fellow canine amid the devastation of the Japanese tsunami. "

-Source : Yahoo News


I fought back the tears.

This is one of the reasons why I love dogs and I have so much sympathy for them. They're loyal and they're capable of standing beside you when you're in trouble. They give lasting friendship and sacrifices. That. Is. Beyond. Me.