That TWILIGHT parody is making me roll with laughter

I was at my favorite bookstore yesterday looking for some nice reads. While going through the piles, I noticed a small, thin, black book which looked too familiar and quite similar to the Twilight. I'm talking about the 'Nightlight', a parody of Twilight.

I got curious so I grabbed it and read the synopsis at the back. 

***************** QUOTE ***********************

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. 

And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? 

Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places. 

******************* UNQUOTE ***************

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! This is crazy. I got to have this book!!!!

I managed to read few pages of the first chapter and can't help but chuckle at the satirical lines. Okay. I  know that my sense of humor is shallow. I laugh easily even at the slightest, stupidiest joke. But I really, really, really have to have this book! I was secretly praying that yesterday was payday so I can take it home with me. But since I'm a genius (at least my closest friends think that I am) I thought of downloading it, and........ guess what? I GOT A COPY!!! Yayyyy!!!

For someone who was able to read the whole Twilight saga and HAVE watched the film more than once, this is something to look forward. Both twilight haters and lovers would surely laugh at this one and I so hate myself for finding about it just yesterday. It was published November of last year, ha! See how outdated I am???

Anyhoo, here's an excerpt from the book :

***********

" It was then that I saw him. He was sitting at a table all by himself, not even eating. He had an entire tray of baked potatoes in front of him and still, he did not touch a single one. How could a human have his pick of baked potatoes and resist them all? Even odder, he hadn’t noticed me, Belle Goose, future Academy Award winner.

A computer sat before him on the table. He stared intently at the screen, narrowing his eyes into slits and concentrating those slits on the screen as if the only thing that mattered to him was physically dominating that screen. He was muscular, like a man who could pin you up against the wall as easily as a poster, yet lean, like a man who would rather cradle you in his arms. He had reddish, blonde-brown hair that was groomed heterosexually. He looked older than the other boys in the room—maybe not as old as God or my father, but certainly a viable replacement. Imagine if you took every woman’s idea of a hot guy and averaged it out into one man. This was that man.

“What is that?” I asked, knowing that whatever it was it wasn’t avian.

“That’s Edwart Mullen,” Lucy said.

Edwart. I had never met a boy named Edwart before. Actually, I had never met any human named Edwart before. It was a funny sounding name. Much funnier than Edward.

As we sat there, gazing at him for what seemed like hours but couldn’t have been more than the entire lunch period, his eyes suddenly flicked toward me, slithering over my face and boring into my heart like fangs. Then in a flash they went back to glowering at that screen. 

“He moved here two years ago from Alaska,” she said.

So not only was he pale like me, but he was also an outsider from a state that begins with an “A.” I felt a surge of empathy. I had never felt a connection like this before.

“That boy’s not worth your time,” she said wrongly. “Edwart doesn’t date.” 

I smirked inwardly and snorted outwardly. So, I would be his first girlfriend. "

****************

For my Mom

Happy Mothers Day to all Mommies out there!!! Special mention to i'm no miss who is such a wonderful and proud mom.

Anyway, in case you're expecting a funny or brilliant or informative or some random sick post, sorry to break your heart but this isn't, aryt? Today is Mothers Day so I'm gonna pay tribute to my mom. I'll try to be a darling so please bear with me. I just want to tell mom everything I've been wanting to tell her but since I'm not good at expressing upfront, I'm going to write it.

WARNING : The following may sound melodramatic, sentimental and overly emotional. It's the other side of me. I'm also capable of feeling sensitive. (just so you know.haha!)

Dear Mama,

Thank you for the gift of life
When you refused to give up your difficult pregnancy
When you did your best to bring me into this world
When you gave nothing but unconditional love

Thank you for enduring the countless sleepless night
When you had to wake up to feed me
When you had to change my diaper coz I peed too much
When you worried yourself coz I was sick

Thank you for putting up with my tantrums
When I broke things and mess around the house
When I answered back and disobeyed rules
When you had every reason to be mad yet you choose to understand

Thank you for making me understand life
When you shared your experiences so I can reflect on them
When you explained right from wrong
When you humbly gave your advice and opinion

Thank you for being at my side
When I needed someone to listen 
When I sought for a friend to talk to
When I badly needed a companion or just someone to be there for me

Thank you for the guidance and understanding
When I'm unable to look back at your sacrifices
When I'm insensitive, uncomforting and for making you feel neglected sometimes
When I hadn't said a single thank you for everything you've put through

I may not be the perfect daughter
I may have given you heartaches and headaches
I may have failed your expectations
But know that:

I'm lucky to be your only princess
I love you and will take care of you when you grow old
I thank God everyday for the wonderful gift - you as my mother
You're the source of my strength and inspiration

You shaped me
Molded me to become the person I am now
For everything,
Thank you Ma!

Thank You Ladies for the FRIENDSHIP

Ok, I'm taking back what I said that I'm a bitch. Why? Because three amazing bloggers just gave me an award. Yeheeeyyyy!!! 

                                 The Master of Karate and Friendship Award

See? I told you guys I'm friendly nyahhhahaah! Move over Sandra Bullock. Here comes Miss Congeniality. Ehem!

First off, I would like to thank Mishieru of Upside Down for giving me this award. Actually she felt guilty coz when she posted it on her blogsite she forgot to include my name hahhaha! Mitch, you don't have to feel bad about it. I totally understand that when you're sleepy you tend to be forgetful...and it's a sign of aging haha! Peace girl..... Seriously, this gal is one awesome blogger. In case you haven't gone to her blog, go check it out.

Another thank you goes to Ratz of What Can I Say. I say I can't keep myself from laughing everytime I read her posts. Actually, she did not specifically mentioned the recipients of this award. But she said that she's giving it to everyone reading her blog. Well, I happen to read it and Ratz, I took your word for it.

And last but definitely not the least, thank you Gnetch of Thank Goodness for the Good Ones for this. Hey, you're indeed a nice girl haha! Please thank your mom for me.

I really love it when someone gives me an award coz it brightens my day and makes me look forward to blogging. I guess everyone wants to be appreciated. And with that note, I'm passing this award to the following faithful bloggy friends :

Depps!! at Words As A Form Of Life

Megha at Thinking Hat

Mary at Quarterlife Adventures

Rachel at Faithful Fashionista

To my new follower Neil at Ongoing History

Hope you enjoy it guys...

One more thing... I wanna give this back to Mitch. I know, I know... you already have this but it's my way of showing I appreciated the kindness and I'm grateful for the friendship.

Maybe I should accept the fact that I'm a BITCH!

A bitch is a female dog and we all know that. But for some reasons it is used to refer to a woman who is unpleasant and difficult to handle. I may not be the nicest person in the universe but I'm friendly and I do have lots and lots and lots of friends.

Remember the facebook deleting incident? The one I posted last monday about a guy officemate who deleted my precious name (ahahaha!) on his facebook account because he thinks I'm not worthy at all? We'll, he had come to his senses and sent a friend request to me. Actually we're friends now but that doesn't mean I won't get even at him. Because I'm a bit nicer, I did not ignore the friend request but I did not confirm it as well. I will just leave it dangling at the corner along with the pending request until I made up my mind hahaha!

But this post is not about that. I won't give him another citation in this blog of mine. Huh! Lucky him.

Let's talk about twitter this time. I have a twitter account but I don't use it as a means to connect with friends, rather I use it to follow the lives of famous celebrities. If facebook connects you with people you went to school with, twitter connects you with people you wish you went to school with. That's basically how the "bird" works.

Tweet. Tweet. Tweet.

So I'm following a certain local celebrity. She's not totally my idol but i admire her for her witty, funny punchline and outrageous fashion sense. Anyone in mind???

Sorry..... I'm not dropping names....

Yesterday I read her tweet and I felt the urge to reply. I usually don't bother myself to reply at their tweets because they also don't bother to reply at me. So why bother?

Did I just bother you with my constant repeat on the word "bother"? Anyhoo, don't bother it.

They say I'm Miss I-Have-An-Opinion-To-Everything. Maybe that's why I became a blogger because I love speaking up my mind and I'd hate it if I'm not able to express my opinion.

In my opinion blah blah blah....

I replied in a nice, friendly way. I did not yell. I mean the tone of my words are not "yelling". I even said in my reply "I respect your opinion but....." and "This is just my opinion you don't have to agree with me. Thanks!".

Now tell me, was that bitchy? Did I sound irritating /provoking / antagonizing / upsetting / annoying?

I DON'T THINK SO!

She deleted me. Hahahahaha!!!

Again????

Yes.

Funny how some people can't even take other's opinion. They should not express their thoughts on social media if they get mad when others don't follow suit. If others don't agree with your views, SO WHAT???! You won't die!!! If you can't take other's opinion, go somewhere else. This is a free country anyway!

I didn't follow her back. Not worth my time.

But I sent her a direct message :

"Thanks for deleting me in your list. You Suck!"

I was suppose to say F***! but I recoiled.

Not worth the curse.

Then I added :

"I hope your career will deteriorate fast. I would pray every single day for that."

*evil laugh* Bwahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhaa....................!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I didn't mean what I said and I never prayed harm to anyone. I just wanted to piss her off.

What to Post. What to Write. What to Say.

Now what?!

Is this what they call a 'Writer's Block'? Sure it is... But I'm no writer. I just love to write. Writing well and love to write are two world's apart.

So let's just say I'm having 'Dry Spell'.

Ooopppsss!! Don't get me wrong on that note. I'm not a drug addict or a sex maniac. I just can't think of something to write. For many days now.

Someone HELP........!!!

Even my sentences wouldn't go longer than ten words. (try counting them) Oh my!!! This is certainly not me! My mind is dry. Like I'm having a severe drought. Oh blame it on the weather!!! It's scorchingly hot outside. The heat waves had apparently gone to my head making their way to my brain cells subduing every creative juices left on me.

Whoah!!! I'm back on track. I just made a 23-word sentence which is pretty normal to me. 

So back to the main topic - Dry Spell.

Lately I'm running out of issues/rants/adventures/thoughts/anything-under-the-sun posts. Not that nothing's happening in my life. I just can't figure out what to write. Does that happen to you?

You have something in your head...

You sit infront of the computer...

You end up staring blankly at the screen...

Fingers aiming at the keyboard...

Just like this????

Poor kitty cat.

Or you force yourself to type something and your composer would look like this : 

Mine's actually : zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

I'm dozing off to dreamland.

To further investigate the causes and reasons of the temporary psychological inability to begin or continue on a piece of writing.... SHUT UP!!!

Excuse the lengthy definition.

What I'm trying to say is : I made a mental note of the reasons why I can't come up with a decent, upbeat post lately.

1.) WORK

"All work and no play makes Janjan a stupid girl."

I've been busy with work lately. (oh?) Don't bother contradict this statement. It's your word against mine. Who's side you on?

SQL scripts have gotten to my system. It's even haunting me in my sleep. In case you ponder what does SQL mean, it's Structured Query Language. A programming language for getting information from the database.

Look at that!!! Aren't you grateful you learned something from me? Hahaha!

So everytime I face the computer starting to write my post, the screen would morph into something like this : 

Now tell me I don't have the most boring job in this world.

2.) Haven't Read In Awhile

I always believe that reading stimulates your writing ability and mind creativity. I haven't read a good book since 'The Last Song'. Just so you know, I cried a bucket while reading it. It's just sooooooo sad.

3.) I Need A REAL Vacation (No, not necessarily vacation. A short break from work will do.)

Calling the attention of my boss out there....

Leave permission will be at your table sooner. And you have no choice but to sign it.

Wait a second....

I thought I couldn't write but seems like I  made a lengthy post already. Hahahah! Dry spell seems to be a good topic. I should have renamed my title to : Dry Spell - makes you write, right?

Back to work...

Signing off...

Election fever

The Race Is On!!!

Barely 6 days to go before the national and local elections. Six remaining days for aspiring candidates to sell themselves and convince the voting force of their worthiness to become public servants. Supporters alike are also at their busiest in campaigning for their candidates and making sure the public gets the message they wish to convey. It is also at this point where election related violence are heightened. Everyone wants a piece of that five-letter word, the envy of many, perceived to be the ultimate goal - P O W E R . Everyone wants to ensure their seat in the office even if it means exterminating an opponent who portends to be a threat in the polls.

These things are not new to me. Growing up I've seen how dirty politics can be in the Philippines. For all we know, most politicians especially the traditional ones, become con artists on election day. From vote manipulation to bribery to ballot box sabotage, they have perfected it all. But wait 'til you hear their promises that sounded like a broken record. That they will be truthful, honest public servants. That they will serve the country and the people wholeheartedly. That they will set aside their personal interests and focus on the welfare of the majority. Oh we've heard lots of versions of that but we never learned from our experiences.

In this election, I won't exercise my suffrage. Yes I won't participate and I won't vote. One reason is that I was a registered voter in my hometown and I need to go home in order to vote. In the previous election I obligely went home but this year I've decided that I wouldn't want to partake. I choose to relinquish my privilege and responsibility as mature Filipino citizen to cast a vote.

I know this aint a good move and a good example to my fellows. This faith in mine on the significance and importance of election have slowly diminish. I'm tired of their faces and promises. I'm tired of their bluff and pretense. I'm tired of their bullshit!

But I think that beyond the spectrum of responsibility is sheer accountability. We are accountable that whoever we install in public seat will govern us to the best of his ability and administrate our finances appropriately. We are accountable that whoever we charge to alleviate our country will see to it that we slowly rise above poverty. Our responsibility doesn't begin and end with a vote. It is making sure we choose the right candidate. 

Sadly, what is right for you may not be right for me. By the same token, whoever I think is deserving may not be deserving for you. We don't know yet who is the most deserving of them all. But I'd like to put it this way : before you cast your vote, do some research. Accomplishments speak well about the candidate. His track record will give us an idea how far he would go in his quest to serve the people and the nation. Don't be fooled by whom the majority endorses or who has a sweet-scented name merely enjoying the legacy of their parents but are actually incompetent and haven't done any thing during their stint in the senate or congress. Don't be fooled by those who claim to be pro-people, anti-corruption yet haven't immersed themselves in the realm of real poverty and oppression. 

I won't tell you who to vote. I won't teach you what to look for in a candidate. I won't tell you what should his/her qualifications be. For the record I'm not endorsing someone. I'm just saying DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH.

Think about the future generation. Your children. Your grandchildren.

Vote for whoever your conscience dictates.

So you really think I deserve it, huh?!

Honestly, I don't know how to start writing this one...

I was suppose to write about my weekend getaway until I discovered something. This is not a big deal actually, I mean to you as the reader. But to me it was kind of an unacceptable demeanor. Not only did it hurt me emotionally but the congenial feeling I used to have for that person has been tarnished. And I don't know what would it take to revive that pleasant friendship we once had.

I have a guy officemate who's very dear to me. Nope, he's not my boyfriend if you wanna ask. Nor he's a special someone if that's your next question. He's my buddy. My badminton playmate. We're not really the best of friends of sort but among all of my guy officemates, we're the closest.

This guy officemate tends to be playful in a sweet but sometimes irritating way. Human as I am, I would sometimes loose patience and better judgement of the situation at hand. So last week, I was dealing with a headache while having breakfast at the cafeteria when he approached me. Because I'm a bit temperamental especially when I'm beginning to feel annoyed by his silly pranks at me, I yelled at him. No, I'm not really sure if  I yelled but I know that I didn't sound pleasant that morning. Maybe I did raise my voice but I wasn't at all angry. You know when you're too comfortable with the person you tend to be not yourself sometimes?!? That best explains our situation.

Actually I was unaware that I have been grumpy with him for awhile. Well I'm sorry I get pissed off sometimes! He took offense at my crankiness and told a friend that he will never ever go near on me. Man, I feel like I'm having a contagious disease or something! Of course I wasn't adamant with my fault. I asked sorry and told him it will never happen again. I must have really hurt him because we were not in speaking terms after that.

Fine.

Today I found out he deleted me in his facebook friend list. Ouch!!! It felt really bad... It's like I was stabbed in the back. I know I did wrong but I already asked for forgiveness and sincerely said my sorry. Was it really an awful mistake on my part that makes me deserve his hatred? It  maybe a harmless act - deleting me in your friend list - but for me it's past the deed. And he whom I consider one of my best pals, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE TOO MEAN TO DO THAT  TO ME? We'll, if it makes you happy then try deleting all our conversations in your mobile phone and my comments on your facebook profile. Maybe then you can find your own peace and happiness.