Earth, swallow me...!

Have you ever been in a situation that made you wish to run and just disappear? When it was too mortifying to even think about? That even your stomach turns when you recalled how stupid it was? And you silently wished you have amnesia, selective amnesia for that matter, so you can’t even try to think how awful it has been?

Well, I am.

And I’m in.

Right now!

At this very moment.

As I was writing this post.

Someone close to me, who knows darn well about my idiosyncrasies (sorry but I like to call the crazy stuff I do as idiosyncrasy), accidentally found the link to my blog on twitter. And as “luck” would have it, the first post she read was the poem I wrote! I really don’t understand why fate loves to poke fun at me. Of all the posts I’ve written this month, that particular post got her attention.

Alright. Your turn to ask, “What’s the big deal?”

I’m not quite a sharer in real life. But when it comes to blogging I don’t hide. I let it all out. If there’s one thing that writing has taught me, it’s that I can be honest with myself without being an over-sharer. I can freely speak up my mind without fearing that others may judge me.

So back to the poem…

She knows to whom that poem was meant for.

She knows what catapulted me to write such.

She knows I’ve stopped writing poetry long ago and it would take an inspiration for me to be able to write that again.

So when I was told she read the poem……. I jumped on my feet, heart racing, palms sweating…. Okay, I’m exaggerating. I WANT TO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE AND SCREAM!!!! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

I felt like busted for a crime I DID commit.

I felt so ashamed.

SOOOOoooooo M.O.R.T.I.F.I.E.D.

Not to myself. But to her! It’s like she found a golden secret and I’m doomed!

Please Earth, can you rip open for a second and swallow me? Alive???!

Or can I just bury my face into the sand?

This is the consequence of having a public blog. And what’s worse???? Mine’s personal! That’s the main reason why I don’t usually tell my friends that I blog coz the thought of them reading my writing scares me. It’s like they’re stalking at me. And there are things I talk on my blog that I never share to them.

Arrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

Anyway, will someone sponsor a FACE MAKE-OVER? Dunno if there is such thing but I really need one right now!

Ha! Serves You Right!

Heeeeyyyyy! I found an effective, awesome way to shut off someone from commenting on your facebook status. Oh just a quick reminder : this is going to be a small facebook talk so please bear with me. Actually this feature has been in placed for quite sometime but I thought of using it recently. When patience is put to test, might use technology to your advantage. That being said, I banned someone from commenting every time I write something on my wall.

Here's the whole story :

This person is a friend of mine. We're actually roomates. She treats me like an older sister and I do treat her like a younger sibling coz I don't have a choice. Hahahaha! No. Just kidding. Seriously, she's so dear to me.

It all started with this post :

Sorry but I feel the need to remove my pic and name. And yes I sounded overly dramatic, somewhat broken-hearted which utterly caused a stir leaving my friends intrigued. But really, it was just another random thought.

One who first commented was a college classmate who is a good friend of mine, which my roomate thought would be a "perfect match" for me. See? I just mentioned on my previous post how the people around me are so concerned about getting myself a perfect guy to get hitched with. My roomate would even resort to pimping me out just to make sure I'll walk down the aisle before she does. And she sees Mr. Classmate a good potential / candidate coz we had our friendship going on for quite sometime.

She started teasing us. Bluntly. Upfront. Not caring how many people would be able to read it. It would be alright if it's only the three of us in the thread (Me, Roomate, Mr. Classmate). But we're talking about more than 10 people on the loop! Don't ya think the joke is on me??!

Okay, never mind me. Never mind my feelings. I have a thick face, you know... I can survive being bullied though I'm not all too happy about it. I was more concerned about how Mr. Classmate would react/think about ME...... or the whole comic situation. Not everyone could take on a joke like that. And I can tell coz he never reacted afterwards.

I warned her about the incident. Thought I made myself pretty clear until yesterday when she left a comment on my new post. The comment was totally OUT-OF-PLACE. Come on! I like it when someone leaves a comment but I'd surely be disgusted if that comment is in NO WAY RELATED TO THE POST. And what's more humiliating was that her comment was a reply to Mr. Classmate's and she was saying that the reason of my being emotional these days is because I'm missing Mr. Classmate!

Whoah!

Did she ever realize she's making it awkward for us? I mean, if ever there's a probability of us having any sort of romantic relationship in the offing, can't she just leave it to the universe???!

So I went to the privacy settings, clicked the "customize settings" link, looked for "can comment on my post" and placed her name under exception. And......

Tada!!!!!!!!!

Thank you facebook for coming up with a brilliant idea! Whenever she tries to access my page the comment box is disabled bwahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!

So much for unwanted comments!

When she found out she told me I'm over-reacting. Over-reacting alright! But it's my facebook account and I can do whatever I want!

Hello, AUGUST... Stay away from me!

Just a few days from now it's gonna be A-U-G-U-S-T. Which means........ imgonnabeayearolder!!!!!!!

Read that??!

Actually, of all the months in the calendar, August is my favorite because : (1.) It's gonna be my Birthday! (2.) It is my Birthday! (3.) I'll be celebrating my Birthday!

Now who hates birthdays? I don't think anyone would. It's a manifestation that we have to be thankful for another year in our life, another chance, another opportunity to become what we want to be.

I'll be a little honest. Whenever the month of August is looming around the corner, I'd feel antsy, a bit sad and pressured. I'm facing the fact that I'm not getting any younger. Most of my friends have already tied the knot, having kids, building their own family. It didn't matter to me at all coz I'm enjoying singlehood. Yes, it didn't really matter until my mother started making innuendos about all my friends settling down, about my childhood playmates having their own kids, about her friends enjoying their grandchildren. As if that pressure ain't enough, she would sometimes quip why can't I get myself a serious, long-time relationship. Oh well I wouldn't be surprised if the next question will be : "Is there something wrong with you?" Hahahahaha!

Crazy as it may seem but if there's one person in this planet who should be more worried - I think it's ME! Really. If she's (mother) worried that I'm not yet settling down at 28, then I should be more concerned about finding the right man to get hitched with in the first place. Hah!

And oh I'm not ranting. I'm just feeling a bit pressured nyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!

Anyhoo, I'm also excited about next month coz I'm going home for my birthday!!!!! Yeah!!!!! It's been 6 years since the last time I spent it with my family. When I started working far away from home, I have not been able to have an intimate celebration and I kinda miss it.

So. Hello, AUGUST... come now fast!

Will someone give me Aspirin?

I'm having a headache. Not literally, but technically! And by technically, it concerns my job.

Being in IT is fun. There's not much pressure and the job is less demanding. Though sometimes, when heavens fall on our shoulders, there'll be problems such as virus attack or server is down, we would then stay late as possible as we can to fix it. Goes home past midnight then reports back to work early the following day even if it's a Sunday or even if a typhoon is raging. This may sound cliche but I've been there done that.

But these setbacks have advantages. We enjoy lots of perks that most employees don't. I wanted to enumerate those perks but I'm afraid it may be used against me in case a co-worker accidentally finds this blog. So forget that I mentioned about it. Get that, officemate? You don't want me to block you in the DTR, right? So play along nice...

Okay I'm not here to threaten anyone. Just want to share with you the little and big things that annoy me at work.

Since we don't have an in-house Systems Administrator (because he resigned and there's no plan of looking for a replacement), whoever takes the call performs the task. And because part of our job is to handle technical support, we are more inclined to having headaches because some callers just don't know how to channel their problems over the phone. I hope they do realize that we're occupying a two-storey building with two extended facilities, and we, going to their workstation would surely take more time than the time we need to solve their concern.

So here's why I need some aspirins on my drawer.

Scene 1 :

Phone rings....

Me : IT Good morning/afternoon!
Caller : Ma'am I can't log on to the system.
Me : May I know what system you're referring to?
(My god! we have 5 systems running. making a guess isn't a smart move)
Caller mentions the system...
Me : So tell me about the system error.
Caller : Error...?
(oh sorry for throwing that vague question. I can sense you're confused)
Me : I mean, a messagebox should appear. What does it say? Wrong username/password? locked? What?
Caller : No. It doesn't say anything. I just can't log in.
(sighs and gives up.... it's time to remote control the PC)
Me : Can I have your computer number?
Caller gives computer number....
Tried connecting to his computer but I can't...
Tried pinging but I get a 'Request Timed Out' message...
Me : I think you're not connected to the network domain.
Caller : I guess coz it says network is not available...

BANG!!!! Can I shoot myself? Sure it doesn't look an error to you??? Alright!

I know it sounded like an internet joke but trust me it really happens. Like at least 5 times a week!

Now aside from the funny software concerns, hardware is terrible. Here's why :

Scene 2 :

Phone rings...

Me : IT Good morning/afternoon!
Caller : Ma'am I can't print.
Me : Okay. Does it say any error?
(you see? error is my friend.)
Caller : No. There's no error. It says nothing. I just can't print.
(i kinda expected this answer.. very helpful, huh?!)
checks his network connectivity and finds out he's connected...
Me : Try restarting your computer.
Caller : Done it already. Like 3 times...?
Me : Did you turn off the printer when you restarted the computer?
Caller : Yes.
I can almost imagine him...eyes wide open, light bulb on his head.
Me : Would you mind checking if you were able to turn ON the printer?

Now tell me. Tell me honestly. How can you print if the printer is TURNED OFF?

Ask me if I get pissed off...

The answer is NO. I roll with laughter. Coz if everytime I encounter callers like that and I get mad? I'll be in the hospital.

And that is why I'll never consider a career in Call Centers. I don't have anything against call center agents. It's a reputable, lucrative job. That's why I don't yell at them when if I get pissed off (oh this is a different story now) coz there's a silent kinship in there. But the thought of having those encounters everyday is unthinkable. I'd rather enjoy programming rather than talking on the phone giving troubleshooting instructions to... never mind!

Just as I was writing this post. A friend of mine posted a joke on his facebook wall. I can't help but laugh at it coz I can really identify with the situation. Here. I copied it.

Tech Support : 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.'
Customer : 'OK.'
Tech Support : 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer : 'No.'
Tech Support : 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer : 'No.'
Tech Support : 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'
Customer : 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.'

Maybe someday...some time....

Someday I will understand why life loves to play sick jokes on me. Someday I will have enough of crying, of inconceivable loneliness, of tormenting pain. Someday I will regain the strength to face the brand new day. Someday I will be able to put off my broken smile. Someday, time itself will heal my ruptured heart. Someday music will become soothing to my ears. Someday I will be able to comprehend why fate brought us together only to drift us apart. Someday I will understand why pain is the consequence of loving. Someday I'll get over about losing someone. Someday I'm gonna learn from my mistakes and I'm gonna learn from it the hard way. Someday I will be able to forgive and let go. Someday moving on will be as easy as to count 1,2,3. Someday life will become better for me. Someday I will find the prince who will sweep me off my feet. Someday I'll be able to escape from his spell. Someday I can accept the fact that beginnings do come to an end. Someday I can see clearly where this road is leading to. Someday I can figure out why those who are not meant for us are the ones we want so badly. Someday I'll grow tired of resenting those who have caused me hurt. Someday I'll come to terms with my old self, and when that happens, I'll be thankful for all the right decisions I've made. Someday I'm going to find all the answers to these questions. And I hope that that someday won't take too long.

Aryt, I know you're wondering if I'm okay... Yes I'm perfectly fine. These are just random musings over the past months that I painstakingly wrote on the notepad. I was browsing through my old files when I came across with this and I thought this will make a good blog entry, so.

Sorry about the repetitive "someday". Don't know why I thought of starting the lines with someday. Maybe someday I'll get rid of that. Argggh! There I go again.

When Dogs Get In The Way

Dogs make me emotional. Whether it's on TV or real life. This morning, on my way to the office, I was on a circumstance where I took side on the dog over the human.

But before that, let me tell you how my crappy morning went...

When it's Friday, it's a given fact that I come late for work. 5 minutes or so. The reason for that? Friday is wash day so we don't get to wear our uniforms, which means - we can wear anything casual and decent. So when Friday morning comes I'm always indecisive of what to wear. And after I picked my choice I will change for another dress and so on and so on. You know how us girls can be, right? Okay. So I'm just the only one. Fine!

As usual, my fickle-mindedness went a bit overboard and I missed the company's bus. Meaning : I missed the free ride and I have to commute.

Halfway through the ride, the multicab suddenly brokedown. Do you have any idea what does a multicab look like? Okay here, take a quick peek :

There you have it! That's the most common mode of public transportation in the Philippines for short distance travel. We do have buses, jeepneys, tricycles name it. But this one's ubiquitous. And it comes in different colors and decorations. The owner of this must be a huge fan of Bob Marley. He didn't actually made it obvious anyway.

So enough with the trivia. As I've said it brokedown and only god knows why. Oh perfect! Just what I needed when I'm almost late! Misfortune is mad at me and is conniving with the universe!

I got off and hailed another one. When I'm just a few yards away from the office, a dog is walking very slowly trying to make its way across the road. I knew the driver saw the dog clearly from afar. But the dog seems unmindful of the approaching vehicle. We were going very fast, the driver didn't blow the horn, and we almost reached him (the dog, i'm not sure though if it's he or she. so anyway...) in no time.

I just don't understand why some dogs are suicidal. I mean, sure they know it's a road and vehicles are coming through and I'm pretty sure he saw us coming but he didn't seem to mind. It's like he's thinking : "Hey I don't have any intention of walking fast to avoid being crushed, so you human driver must take the precaution and step on the brake now!"

Or : "Wow! it's so nice to stroll in the park in the early morning... Wait, there's a vehicle coming fast at me!" *looks at the vehicle. FROZEN* I'm sure you knew the next picture is not pretty.

Hey dog, even if you're suicidal or you think twisted like that? My sympathy will always be yours.

Thankfully the dog was able to wake up from his momentary trance and managed to avoid his imminent, awful, gross death. And I, being the dog lover, reprimanded the driver and told him to stop the cab coz I'm getting down. He looked at me. Bewildered. Well I told him, "If you were the dog and I was the driver, would you be happy if I'll crush you to death?"

Then I walked away. Huh! Soooooooo theatrical of me!

Maybe that was insane but I really hate it when people don't seem to care about dogs especially those mongrels or what we know as street dogs. I don't understand why some people are just mean. If other people treat dogs like human then why others can't?

Anyway, just a few months ago I had a dog-related incident that really made me cry. No, not the movie! While I was on my way to work a dog was hit by another vehicle. I saw him on the side of the road, gasping for breath, pain tormenting him, waiting for death to come. It was an awful sight. There were people around but no one bothered to take him to the hospital. Oh I'm sure no one would ever do such a thing! It ripped my heart and I restrained myself from crying on my seat. At the time I reached my desk I could no longer hold back my tears. My officemate was so concerned to ask me what happened. When I told him what I saw, I knew it took all of his strength not to laugh at me. For surely had he laughed, my fist would have landed in between his eyes. Seriously.

Speaking of which, my dog just turned 9 last month. She's already 63 in dog years. Quite old... I really miss her and I can't wait to see her next month when I come home.

My way of recuperating from sickness

Whenever I feel bored at my job or when I feel that stress is gonna devour me alive, my immediate recourse would be to take some time off and travel. Yes travel! There's something about traveling and discovering new places that eases my mind, comforts my worry and makes me forget about how I'm gonna spend another gruelling week to make it up for my deadline.

Yet I tend to forget that I'm physically drained. I ignored how my body screamed that she's tired and needs real pampering and rest. After the vacation, the mini-weekend getaway and late night-out with friends - my body is making me pay back.

I was down with fever last weekend. Initially it was my colds that's pestering me. And with colds, I'm totally defenseless and it wins all the time. So over the weekend I was lying on my bed, defeated with colds, cough and fever.

Perfect!

What a great weekend!

The only good thing was that I saved money from going to the cinema hehehe... I was suppose to watch Eclipse (yah I know I'm already late. Everyone has gone out watching it). My friend lend me a DVD copy so I managed to watch the third installment of the Twilight saga at home. 

I hate to say this but I'm not so happy about the movie. I fell asleep! Would you believe that? Never in my entire existence would I fell asleep while watching a movie. Oh maybe because I wasn't feeling that well? Maybe. But honestly? It wasn't as good as I thought it's suppose to be. Sorry fellow twilighters... I liked the New Moon movie even better though I find the first half of the book a bit boring and less compelling.

Or maybe I was expecting too much? Or maybe because I already knew the whole story so it wasn't that intriguing to me after all. There were good scenes in the book that were not highlighted in the movie. Those mushy, heart-melting lines of Edward which I always look forward (okay, I'm a sentimental romantic at times) were not immensely emphasized.

Anyway, I'm not the only one who thought the movie was boring. Four of my friends also fell asleep when they watched it. 

I think it's better to watch the movie first then read the book... What you guys think? 

At least your expectations aren't that high.

After watching the movie I decided to go to the mall. With fever? You might ask. Yes. Since I don't have work on Saturdays while all of my housemates do, it's tiresome to stay at home. Alone! 

I went to the salon to have my hair done. I owe my hair a treatment that's been looooonnnngggg overdue. My constant pooling, long exposure to the sun and beach dipping has totally made it look like a rag. Seriously.

But do you know that I always wanted to have a curly hair? I've gone to 6 different salons over the past few months but they all turned me down. They all said there's no way to get my hair curl because it's straight. Whaaattt???! So anyway I resorted to curling iron for a long time just to make my wish come true. And thanks to you curling iron you made my hair more brittle. From now on NO MORE CURLING IRON. Errrrr.... for at least six months nyehehehe...

                                                                     that's me in my curly hair

That's one irony of life. Girls with straight hair wants it curl. Girls with curly hair wants it straight. I think from now on I'll stick with my straight hair.

And I also had a full body massage. It was very relaxing that I wanted to cuddle to sleep right there and then. One of my travel wishes is to visit Bali. They're quite known when it comes to spa, massage and other forms of self pampering. Hopefully I can fulfill that wish in due time.

 

All About...quotes!

Okay, I have to admit.....

I love Sandra Bullock!

Of all of Hollywood's shining stars, I have most respect and appreciation on her. She's one actress who can certainly pull off any types of role. She can be crazy or she can be tough. She can be dramatic or borderline villain. She's just fantastic!

I watched her burgeon into the movie industry. I've seen her as the lovestruck Lucy crushing on a stranger in While You Were Sleeping. I admired her being chic, fab and armed in Miss Congeniality and her tough role in The Blind Side which won her a double Best Actress.

Last night I get to watch All About Steve. I know I'm kinda late coz it's been a year since that movie was released, yet Bradley Cooper is in it so I couldn't miss it for the whole damn world.

As expected Sandra did well on her role as Crossword puzzle creator, who's brilliance made her a socially awkward human being with zero interest in dating until he met the hot, cable news crew - Steve.

The movie was a bit hilarious and she looks cute in that red boots which she wore the whole time. I just don't like her hair. I preferred her donning that sleek brunette look just like in The Proposal.

Mary (Sandra) is soooo talkative that most people around find it annoying. She's a walking encyclopedia. She'll give trivia even if you don't ask her to. She uses vocabulary that would make your mouth wide open because either it's too deep to comprehend or a normal human being wouldn't use such a word. Like would you say "vamoose" instead of "let's go"?

This is one movie where I didn't get to predict the ending. I thought Steve will fall in love with her after she fell into that mine shaft while chasing after him. I was wrong.

The movie talks about the choices we make in life and how we see life in general. That life is like a crossword puzzle. Some days are easy that you would finish answering them in an instant. While some days are hard that you just can't figure out the clue and you want to stop and give up. But once you stop for awhile and ponder, you actually know the answer. It's all about patience, perseverance, setting goals and getting it done.

Here are some famous, worth musing quotes I got from the movie :

"You missed the bus probably because you're not meant to take it."

"If you love someone, set him free. If you have to stalk him, he probably wasn't yours in the first place." :)

I Just Want To Give It A Try

One of the many things I like to do when I was still a student is to write poetry. I'm not a poet though, but there's fun in it. There's fun in how you carefully create the lines, choose and play with words to make it sound as intense and meaningful as it should be.

I've written several poems that I keep in a small notebook hidden. But I don't know where is it now. I'm half glad that it's lost coz I'd surely be laughing mock at it when I read those craziness. At the same time I'm sad coz it's a treasure from my glorious teenage days when I still had a different view about life and love. It would be great to look back at them and see how far I've grown.

My poems usually talk about love coz it's the easiest among others and you can just pour out the words effortlessly. My poems are simple, not as complicated as Shakespeare's, so I would totally be ashamed to show it to any poet hehehe...

I've been out of practice for quite sometime. I stopped writing poetry when I graduated. So now, with ultra boredom kicking in, got nothing to do, I started jabbing out the words and see if I can still do it.

This is just one foolish poem, okay?

Standing in my room, staring out the window
My heart is racing while I think of you
Thinking of what could be had it been the other way
I would have shielded my heart from this brewing misery

We were friends that's all I thought it would be
My best pal I can count on when tide ebbs the sea
But suddenly things change as it stirs me
I'm lost in our world that used to be friendly

Thought this feeling ain't get out of hand
I've told my heart but it never seems to understand
Each day my emotions grow deeper and stronger
Like a bond we used to share together

Loving you isn't right
How long shall I intend this feeling to fight?
To love you is like a curse
But my heart doesn't take remorse

You are not mine to possess
You rightfully belonged to someone else
You're committed and no longer free
To that girl I've grown to envy

Why does doing the right thing seems the hardest thing to do?
I should have walked away from you long time ago
But I'm stupid, pathetic, a complete loser
I let down my walls and self-worth lesser

If only I can do one magic, they had me asked
My first trick would be to undo the past
I'll make sure you and her would have never met
So your eyes will only be in mine you set

These Make Me Feel Special

I wanna start off this month with a post that has "substance". Errrrrr.... it's quite a challenge and I'm not even sure if you'd ever consider my blog to have substance, yet Mitch and Rachel thought my blog is worth their time reading and gave me this award.

Yeheyyy!!! Thanks a lot Mitch and Rachel. You guys are sweet...!

For me to take this award completely, I have to share my blog philosophy. I think I've already mentioned this in one of my previous post. But anyway, hear me out once more.

I created between me and my thoughts because I'm looking for a place where I can channel all my emotions, ideas, opinions, rants, dreams, frustrations and all those crazy random thoughts. I guess that's what personal blogs are all about. It centers the author while taking randomness and spontaneity as your leverage.

I'm the kind of person who find solace in writing. I'm not good at confronting people when I'm mad. But in writing I can pour out my feelings and lets out anger easily. I'm not good at public speaking. But I can easily convey my thoughts when I hold a pen. Well in this case, keyboard. I hold secrets that I don't feel like disclosing to my friends. But in my blog? I'm very transparent. And sometimes emotional.

So forgive me dear bloggy friends if you don't get at first what this blog is all about hehehe.. Thanks for sticking and taking time to read my musing. It means a lot to me.

Alright so much for the drama. Time to pass on the award...

Nikita

Deeps!

The Girl Who Loves To Whine

I'm No Miss

Oh well this looks like my lucky day coz Rachel gave a bonus award to all of her followers.

Right... she's incredibly sweet. Thanks again Rachel.

In this award, I'm suppose to nominate 10 people. So I'm giving this off to my sweet bloggy friends :

Mitch

Sey

Ratz

Gnetch

Meg

Jenskie

Mary

Nahla

Mama Tink

Kira